Broadway Dog House Enters The New Jersey Hot Dog Battle Royal

As I press onward through this daft adventure called life, I find my palate is slowly getting more and more discerning.   I am further compounding this issue by actively endeavoring to hone it like a Shun blade in a feeble attempt to become a better foodie.  Due to my hobby, turned unpaid part-time job, I feel it is my duty to be able to dissect a dish mentally, and pick out even the subtlest of flavors.  This process has consumed me.  With every article I write, dish I cook, beer I sip, and plate I eat I fall farther down the rabbit hole, and I have now realized that I can get out.

Like a naked picture of your grandma that you find stashed in the attic in your grandfather’s army foot locker.  There are things you can’t un-see… or in my situation un-taste.   Since I started this blog I have sought out the best tasting food and drink that I could find, and as an unfortunate by-product my brain, belly, and taste buds have all united against me.  They not only crave this inspiring flavor, but they damn well expect it.

I no longer can rock a gas station taco and chug an Old E 64, before suiting up to play a baseball game in the hot July sun.  Call it getting old, call it selling out, or call it becoming refined, I have lost my love for almost as many foods as I have found over these years.

However, there is one particular food item I will never turn back on, no matter how much foie gras and Farmhouse Ale I consume.  Usually, and lovingly described as lips and ass stuffed inside the small intestine of a completely different animal.  This description should, but hardly ever does, scares anyone away.  I am of course speaking of the pride of American cuisine, the mother F’in HOT DOG!

Now, if you grew up in New Jersey, specifically the Bergen or Passaic County area, you know that the Hot Dog business is serious business.  Debates, arguments, even fisticuffs, have been known to break out at bars throughout this region when the topic of who makes the best dog is brought up.  I myself, am a Rutt’s Hut nut, but I appreciate all the old school joints; Johnny and Hanges, River View East, The Hot Grill, The Fireplace, Jimmy Buff’s, Hot Dog Johnny’s, etc.

With that said, when a new hot dog establishment sets up shop in my neck of the woods, I begin to salivate like one of Pavlov’s puppies.  My imagination begins to run wild, pondering the possibility of finding my new favorite dog.  Will they fry them, boil them, or grill them.  Will the cover them with chili and cheese, or will the dog bark for itself.  The prospects are seemingly endless; which leads to a fixation, that becomes a hankering, which turns into a craving, and finally manifests itself as an obsession!

Welcome To The Dog House

As if my beer soaked cerebral cortex was following the Fight Club Penguin’s wacky ass recommendation, my mania caused me to slide into a momentary lapse of Hot Dog dementia. I rode this metaphorical pork fat laden slip and slide all the way to Broadway Dog House, located at 27-03 Broadway, in Fair Lawn, New Jersey.

Can I take your order?

From the moment I walked into Broadway Dog House, I knew I was going to love it.  Memories of all the hot dog joints that I traveled to in the past gently washed over me.  The smell of the fryaltor alone was enough to conjure warm fuzzy recollections of Texas sauce, family meals, homemade relish, and long Sunday drives.  In short, if Broadway Dog House was on Tinder, I would swipe to the right so hard and fast that the app itself would file a restraining order on their behalf.

As I mentioned earlier, my roots are at Rutt’s, so I tend to favor dogs that have been bathed enthusiastically in sweet-sweet glistenin’ oil, as the lord intended.  Luckily for me, this is an option at Broadway Dog House.  However, unlike the old school joints that tend to treat boiled and fried like the dark side and the light side of the force, Broadway Dog House is all about the compromise.  Meaning, that since my heathen of a wife is not on team fried goodness, she was able to order her hot dog cooked in the more traditional, albeit wrong way.

Normally, the first time visiting and establishment like this, I would keep my order very simple because I want to taste the dog itself.  If an establishment uses sub-par pups, I am out.  However, as I was pondering my order, one specific menu item grabbed my attention and when it was my turn to order I opened my mouth and there was nothing I could do but speak its name… The Deep Fried Bacon Dog!  Kat followed the ordinary plan and requested a basic hot dog, but opted to add Broadway Dog House’s secret sauce instead of her usual ketchup.  We also ordered a Chili Cheese Dog, cooked heretic style, so Kat and I could share it.

Look at that sweet-sweet beautiful bastard!

In true Hot Dog joint form, our order was ready in no time and we were able to dive into our dogs.  Listen, I fully understand I am an easy mark.  I am like a wide-eyed Wisconsinite walking through downtown Paris near the Eiffel Tower, when it comes down to this particular fare.  With that said, because I love this shit so much, I know a good dog when I bite into one, and this my friends is a good damn dog!

Let’s discuss why, shall we.  A strong hot dog is like a solid house, it all starts with the foundation.  In the Hot Dog world that means good bread equals a good start.  Broadway Dog House apparently knows this decree, and have chosen the perfect bun to house their delicious meat stick.  The bun cannot be too large or the purveyor risks detracting from the flavor of the dog.  It can’t be too small either or the weight of the dog and the toppings could compromise the bun’s structural integrity leading to what we in the business call a dog-gone tragedy.   Alright, no one calls it that, but I really love puns, so freaking deal with it!

Working from the ground up, the next stop on this Hot Dog train of knowledge, is the Hot Dog itself.  NOT ALL HOT DOGS ARE CREATED EQUALLY!  Depending on how the dog will be prepared and what style you are going for, the choice of the dog is some pretty important shit.  Since Broadway Dog House rocks two distinct styles they had to choose their dogs wisely, and once again they excelled in this category.  The dogs were packed with flavor and even the one that was not fried had a solid snap to it when bit into.

The final element that must be discussed when constructing this illustrious snack is of course, the toppings.  This is where the magic happens people.  Assuming that one has heeded the aforementioned caveats, we should now have the perfect canvas to create a glorious meat monument.  If a structurally sound, fresh bun seamlessly snuggling a high quality, properly cooked, Hot Dog, doesn’t arouse your inner Bob Ross, you may very well be dead inside.  Whether, you are a simple Ketchup or Mustard type like Kat, or a balls-out topping fiend like me, there is something quite enjoyable about the customization of this amazing treat.

I digress… My diatribe about the perfect pup may be coming to an end, but I still have a bit to say about the Dog House on Broadway.  I did not confirm my suspicions and I don’t want to accused by our president for being fake news; but I believe Broadway Dog House actually uses two different brands of hot dogs in an attempt to achieve hot dog nirvana.  One for frying and one for the ones that are cooked wrong.

Even when they are cooked wrong they taste right!

I, of course had to steal a bite of Kat’s before she finished it and I was glad that I did.  The secret sauce is very similar to Big Mac sauce, just fresher, and I assume without the crack-cocaine that is obviously put in all the food served at McDonald’s.  I will admit the hot dog itself was pretty damn tasty, I mean I am still on team Deep Fry, but I no longer despise those who are not.  I don’t mean to be hyperbolic, but I think this Hot Dog might have saved our marriage!  Okay, of course, I mean to be hyperbolic, I am a writer, that is what we do.

Here Chili, Chili, Chili

As for the Chili Dog, I usually don’t cheat on my true love, the Texas Dog, with its meatier more voluptuous cousin, but as they say, chunky sauces need lovin’ too.  The key to a good Chili Dog is simple, respectable chili.  It appears that Broadway Dog House grasps this basic concept because they did not just spoon some Hormel on top of their artfully prepared Hot Dog.  It seems they are using what I believe to be homemade Chili, or at the very least a high quality knock off.

Broadway Dog House sells other things than hot dogs of course.  Sliders, sandwiches, and traditional sides are a few of these items, and I am sure I will eventually eat them all.  However, one thing is for damn sure, every time I walk through their door I will be ordering at least one, DEEP FRIED DOG!  In my opinion, Broadway Dog House is a serious contender in the battle royal that the New Jersey Hot Dog scene is, and from my perception, always been.

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Old San Juan Makes The Blue Collar Foodie Say ¡Wepa!

One of the phenomenal luxuries of living in Bergen County New Jersey is the never ending list of culinary quests that one can embark on, within mere minutes of their residence.  There are very few cuisines that a simple Google search cannot turn up five or more restaurants within a reasonable proximity.  So, when I do have the opportunity to visit a restaurant that is sharing a scarce delicacy that I normally have to venture into New York City for, I get rather excited, especially when I score a Groupon for said indulgence.   The style of gastronomy that I am referring to is none other than Puerto Rican food, and the establishment that is delivering this tantalizing fare to the Bergen County area is Old San Juan, located at 165 Route 46 West in Saddle Brook, NJ.

From the outside, this restaurant seems quite unassuming, mainly due to ear defiling noise and the unpleasant eye contamination that occurs when your next door neighbor is a bustling freeway.   Thankfully, once you enter Old San Juan you are whisked away from this suburban netherworld and brought to a veritable wonderland of peace and tranquility, complete with the heavenly aroma that only accompanies the wonderful cuisine of the islands.  When Kat and I entered the restaurant we were instantly greeted by a smiling face and escorted to our table promptly, which is always appreciated.  Furthermore, the modern, fresh, and clean interior design seemed to comfort Kat and I, almost immediately.

Old San Juan

Old San Juan Exterior

Once we were seated we were given menus from our waitress and she took our drink order as well.   Old San Juan, like most non-chain restaurants in New Jersey does not have a liquor license but they do allow you to bring your own bottles of wine or beer.  In addition Old San Juan offers an added bonus of B.Y.O.B Sangria, which allows you to supply the wine which they will serve with their own blends of fruits, creating an island inspired cocktail that pairs perfectly with Puerto Rican Food.   Kat and I perused the menu and after some serious deliberation we made our selections and signaled the waitress to join us once again.

If you have ever used a Groupon before you are well aware that there are specific guidelines to follow for each and every Groupon that you purchase and in order to take advantage of the substantial discounts, these rules must be followed.   I always present my Groupon to the server before I begin the ordering process.  The reason I do this, is because some of the regulations can be somewhat convoluted and the wait staff will be able to guide you down the path that allows you to use your Groupon at the end of the night.  There is nothing worse than attempting to pay for a bill with a Groupon and finding out there is an issue with using the deal, because of something you ordered.  Our Groupon stipulated that we could order 1 appetizer and 2 entrees, so we chose the Tostones Rellenos de Pernil , Stuffed Plantain with Pork, for $10.95.  Kat then ordered Churrasco, Skirt Steak, for the reasonable price of $21.95, while I decided upon the Pargo Rojo Entero, Whole Red Snapper, in a garlic sauce, for a sensible $23.95.  Each of our meals came with a choice of rice and beans, plantains, or a salad as a side dish, but considering that going to a Puerto Rican restaurant and opting to not try the rice and beans is tantamount to giving a purple nurple to a UFC fighter, we wisely chose the rice and beans to accompany our meal.

Roast Pork stuffed Plantain

Roast Pork Stuffed Plantain

When our appetizer arrived, I knew we were in for a treat.  Not only was the presentation of this traditional Puerto Rican dish exquisite, it smelled so damn good I almost divorced Kat on the spot so I could marry the chef, regardless of his or her sexual orientation.  Kat and I each took a forkful of the mountain of roast pork that was erupting out of the crispy fried plantain, which soon joined the pork on our fork, and took our first bite in unison.  The noises that we made after that first bite are usually heard in sleazy hotel rooms located on highways, not restaurants, but we did not care, because it was that good.  The textures married perfectly with each bite while the flavors hopped, skipped, and jumped across our taste buds.   When our waitress delivered our appetizer she pointed out that our table was equipped with homemade hot sauce that she warned was very hot.  Kat and I might as well be the co-presidents of the Hot Sauce Fan Club, so we did not heed the waitresses warning at first and added a little bit too much hot sauce to one forkful of yummy which started a five alarm fire on our tongues that was not easily quenched.  After our battle, we experimented with different amounts of this forceful yet flavorful sauce and found just the right quantity to use, which added tremendous taste without scorching the earth.

Skirt Steak With Chimichurri Sauce

Skirt Steak With Chimichurri Sauce

Shortly after we finished our appetizer our main courses arrived.  As our dishes were delivered, we noticed that once again the presentation was lovely and the portions were generous to say the least. Kat’s skirt steak was at least 12 ounces and my Red Snapper probably weighed in at 2 pounds.  Kat and I began to eat our entrees and all semblance of conversation ceased for at least 5 minutes.  We were mesmerized by the food that was brought to our table.   My fork tender, juicy, Snapper was swimming in a butter garlic sauce that heightened the snapper’s natural flavor tenfold.   Kat’s expertly prepared, tender steak was served with a Chimichurri sauce that was delicate yet delicious, not overpowering like so many others I have tasted.  As for the rice and beans, it would not be a complete Puerto Rican meal without them; they were the perfect side dish to an amazing meal.

Red Snapper With Garlic Sauce

Red Snapper With Garlic Sauce

If you are like me and you are looking to explore the world one plateful at a time, I highly recommend Old San Juan.  Everything we tried was terrific and prepared exactly how we asked for it.  In addition, even without the Groupon, the prices are reasonable and the service was fantastic.   In the lovely words of the land that inspired this beautiful meal, ¡Wepa!

 

Puerto Rico

Even the Fish Loves Puerto Rico

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