Five Ridiculous Memorial Day Burgers That Will Make Your Neighbor’s Grill Weep

So, you have 20 friends coming over your house on Monday, huh? Are you going to serve them the same old boring ass hamburgers that every Joe American is going to be grilling? Or are you going to be a noble fucking beast and serve your guests something so ridiculously unique that each and every one of them will not be able to fight the urge to post pictures of your magnificent concoction all over the internets? If you decided to turn your ground beef into a glorious gastronomic powerhouse instead of a forgettable hockey puck then you have come to the right place my friend! I present to you five hamburgers that are more insane than Miley Cyrus²+Brittany Spears³, and those bitches be crazy!

Bitches do in fact be crazy.

Bitches do in fact be crazy.

The Deep Fried Doritos Breaded Burger

This burger is pretty easy to make as long as you have a deep fryer, a grill, and a bag of Doritos you mind turning into tiny bits of awesomeness.  First off, grill up a burger patty and let it cool for a few minutes.  Next coat the son of a bitch with flour, dunk it into some egg, and dip it into some crushed up Doritos.  Then just drop it in a deep fryer for about 30 seconds and BOOM!  I suggest adding some bacon,lettuce, and your favorite barbecue sauce to your masterpiece before causing all your guests to fall madly in love with you.

Doritos as fucking breadcrumbs people!  Why the hell did no one think of this sooner?

Doritos as fucking breadcrumbs people! Why the hell did no one think of this sooner?

The Luther Burger

This motherfucker should be named the unhealthy burger!   Weighing in at approximately 800 to 1,500 calories per burger this beauty is not for your friends that want to fit into their itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka-dot bikinis.  Another easy burger to create but it is not a one your guest will soon forget.  Simply take your average grilled burger patty, with whatever cheese tickles your fancy, and bacon of course and insert it into a grilled glazed Krispy Kreme Doughnut!  That is right, your heard me.

Holy Hot Damn!

Holy Hot Damn!

Peanut Butter Burger

I know it sounds weird but so does drinking the liquid that comes out of an animals tit, but you drink milk all the time, so Man up, women up, child up, dog up, do what ever you have to in order to try this wonderful mix of all things yummy!  To build this bitch, slather some peanut butter on top of the burger about a minute or so before you take it off the grill so the peanut butter melts to an ooey gooey perfection before you top it off with some bacon and serve it in a bun.

Move over Jelly it is time for PB and Cow!

Move over Jelly it is time for PB and Cow!

The Jersey Brunch

If your guests are arriving somewhat early you can always turn to this wonderful brunch concoction.  What you are going to need to do to pull this one off is pancake batter, Taylor ham, cheese, maple syrup, ketchup, and a burger patty.  Start making your pancakes as you would normally but mid way through cooking the first side sprinkle the Taylor Ham and Cheese into the batter.  Next mix your maple syrup with your ketchup and cut your pre-cooked burger patty in half.  Once the pancake is ready construct your yumminess and watch your guests cheer.

Brunch ain't just for rich white folk after all.

Brunch ain’t just for rich white folk after all.

The ‘Merica

Are you tired of all that beef getting in the way of your Bacon?  If you answered  Yes to that question you need this burger in your life.  It is made almost entirely out of Bacon and your heart very well explode from the first bite of this beast.  But at least you will die with a smile on your face.

Cause it is your fucking duty!

Cause it is your fucking duty!

Go forth and grill my friends!  Happy Memorial Day from the Blue Collar Foodie!

 

 

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