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October 30, 2014

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The Blue Collar Foodie Is Down With DTTB! Down To The Bone BBQ

Have you ever seen the bumper sticker, “I Brake For Animals?” Well, I have decided that I need to create a bumper sticker for my car that reads, “I Travel For Food.” Most people create this imaginary 10 mile radius around their house and refuse to venture outside of it when it comes time to grab a bite to eat, but I call shenanigans on that mentality. As my now trademarked bumper sticker will eventually read, I TRAVEL FOR FOOD!

I don’t mean one town over either folks; I am talking, “pack a freaking snack, because we are going over the river and through the damn woods to munch on the best Taco, Slice of Pizza, or BBQ that the Tri-State area has to offer.” Hell, I will even travel to different states to feast on the local fare if a foodie friend of mine tells me it is worth it. This approach to eating food, drinking adult beverages, and life in general has taken me down innumerable trails and created countless memories. This zeal is also to blame for my sometimes hectic, but always adventurous life.

Now depending on your age, you may already know that as you get older, your small tight knit circle of friends begins to expand like the paint on a Spirograph. After college, some of them choose the convenient yet somewhat costly suburbs, others yearn for the excitement of the uber expensive city, and others will choose the wildly inexpensive yet slightly inconvenient rural areas of the State.

Once these decisions are made, they are not always final, but I will assure you they will cause some tension in your group. No sane human being leaves the 4 A.M. last call, no need for a car, bar on every corner, City Life to come to the suburbs to hang out. Furthermore, the Suburbanites refuse to admit that they need to enter the city to have fun because they have everything the city has offer; they don’t, but they won’t listen to reason. Lastly, the rural folks were hornswoggled by low property tax and much bigger houses which convinced them that an hour drive to their nearest friend that did not join the cult of the cow, won’t be an inconvenience but some fantastic alone time where they can clear their head; it isn’t, it sucks, and they will soon figure it out!

Luckily though, most of my friends are foodies and follow the same aforementioned principal that I do, so it is somewhat easy to “trick” them or me into hanging out after not seeing each other for quite some time. All one of us has to say is, “Dude, you have to try this (Fill in the Food Here), it will change your friggin’ life!” Works every time, and we all know it, but as Spiderman once said, “With great power comes great responsibility,” so we are careful not to abuse this power.

While at Eleventh Hour Rescue’s Puptoberfest we happened upon a table that was giving out free samples of pulled pork. As I did not want to lose my ‘Merica card, I walked up to the table and tried some of this sauce laden miracle meat. My taste buds rejoiced as I devoured the shot glass of meat and asked the supplier of this magical concoction where I could purchase some of this magical pig. It turned out that Mr. Jeff Feldstein was working the table that day, which happens to be the mastermind behind Down To The Bone, located at 1594 Rt. 10 & Sussex Turnpike in Randolph, NJ 07869. Jeff saw the delight in my eye and simply said, “If you enjoy that, you have to visit my restaurant, Down To The Bone because our food will blow you away.”

I have to admit, I was slightly skeptical about the bold statement that Mr. Felstein just tossed my way. The pulled pork that I had just consumed potentially could have secured a spot in my Top 5 in the Pulled Pork category, but Jeff seemed confident in his claim.

A few days later, Jeff’s statement haunted my foodie day dreams, shut up you are reading a food blog, you know you have them too. Soon I knew that I had to visit Down To The Bone, and see if the food that they were serving at the brick and mortar was really that much better than the pulled pork I chomped on at Puptoberfest. I put my plan into action and contacted a couple that Kat and I have not seen in a while and said, “Dude, you have to try this (Insert obscenity) BBQ Joint, it will change your friggin’ life!” Whamo-Bammo a date was set and my food shakes were finally at ease.

Welcome to Down To The Bone!

When we pulled up to Down To The Bone, we were slightly confused because this particular restaurant is attached to The Clubhouse Golf Center. Do not let this peculiarity scare you away though, in fact we found it to be a bonus, and vowed to return when the sun was out and work up an appetite with a rousing game of mini golf.

This is where the magic happens and that right there is the magician.

When you enter Down To The Bone, the fantastic aroma of smoked meats is wafting through the air and instantly causes you to salivate. When we were seated, we were offered our menus as well as any glasses that we would need for the adult beverages that we brought with us. This establishment is a “bring your own bottle” restaurant, and I highly recommend that you bring beer; because, well beer goes with BBQ like bacon goes with everything.

I said a hip hops, Hippie to the hippie, the hip, hip a hops, and you don’t stop, a rock it!

As the frothy head of this bold IPA slowly dissipated, we perused our menus to decide what magical meats would grace our plates this evening. I should probably preface this review by saying that I am not a rookie when it comes to BBQ by any means. I have traveled quite extensively and feasted on a plethora of slow cooked meats, and if there is any specific genre of food that I would consider myself an expert of, it would be the glorious gastronomic classification of Barbecue.

A Divine Plate Of Swine!

It did not take long for me to come to a decision, which is rare, but I tend to follow the same basic rules the first time I dine at a BBQ joint. Firstly, I find the largest combination of meats that I can order; in this case it was a Three Meat Combo, then I order the three things that every BBQ place worth the wood it is burning should be able to make. Ribs, Brisket, and Pulled Pork. In my opinion, any spot that can’t make these three staples of the BBQ world shouldn’t be allowed to sully the name of BBQ!

This was more like corn cake than traditional corn bread which I found surprisingly tasty!

As for side dishes, I also have a few select items that I use to judge a BBQ joints worth. These sides should be, and most likely are, on every BBQ menu from here to Texas and back, and I want to try every last one of them. My go-to sides are none other than, Baked Beans, Collard Greens, and Corn Bread. The rest of our contingent followed my lead and ordered a combination platter as well. My BBQ brother from another mother went with the three meat combo; whereas our daintier, and slightly less gluttonous, wives opted for the two meat combination.

There is something delightfully Southern about a bowl full of greens.

We ordered our meal from the owner/waiter/host Jeff Feldstein and after he relayed our order to the kitchen he came to our table to officially welcome us to his restaurant. I want to stress that he had no idea that I was there to review his establishment; he merely wanted to talk to his customers. His passion for not only the food that he serves, but the charitable events that he participates in, was immediately apparent. He spoke to us about the history of his restaurant, his homemade sauce, which he allowed us to try (spoiler alert, it was awesome), and invited us to come back on November 2, 2014 for The Wing Challenge that will benefit local charities.

If there was such a thing Brisket Ball, this Brisket would be the Lebron James of that sport!

If there was such a thing as Brisket Ball, this Brisket would be its Lebron James!

When are food arrived at our tables, I, of course, took the photos that you have been drooling over for about four paragraphs. That drool is not misplaced my friends. As I stated earlier, I am no BBQ Virgin, I am like the Paris Hilton of BBQ, if you get me, so I don’t just throw compliments around all willy-nilly when it comes to smoked yumminess. With that said, the brisket that Down To The Bone placed in front of me is hands down the best friggin’ brisket that has ever melted in my mouth and traveled into my belly.

Eating this chicken can cure any fowl mood. See what I did there?

Don’t get it twisted, everything was spectacular, even Kat’s chicken which is not always my favorite dish at barbecue places, but holy hell, the brisket was good! I mean, I still have dreams about it good. The chicken was extremely flavorful with a perfectly crispy skin and the meat wasn’t the slightest bit dry. Dry meat is the scourge of BBQ, and unfortunately Chicken tends to fall into this trap all too often when cooked using the traditional barbecue approach. Furthermore, Kat had the brilliant idea of dipping her chicken into Down To The Bone’s Homemade Buffalo Sauce which only enhanced the already tasty chicken’s flavor.

There ain’t nothing wrong with a bowl of swine!

I will once again mention that Down To The Bone’s pulled pork potentially could be in my top five pulled pork dishes of all time, but that would necessitate a blind taste test, an excel spreadsheet, and ain’t nobody got time for dat, so let’s just say it was damn good! The tender and succulent meat was left rather chunky which made for an excellence texture. The sauce that these tidbits of divine swine were tossed in was simply heavenly; a perfect melody of tangy and sweet leaving me wanting more after each and every one of my bites.

BACON!!!!!!!!!!

Not only were the main dishes tender, juicy, and downright delicious, the sides did not disappoint either. The beans were chock full of delightful bacon nuggets as you can see above. The bacon was sharing this vessel with expertly prepared beans, and they both were swimming in a slightly sharp sauce that made B&M Baked Beans taste like someone forget to place the ampersand in between those two letters. (For those of you that are slightly slow, that was a poop joke.)

Furthermore, the Mac and Cheese that Kat ordered had tremendous depth of flavor and was the perfect texture, not too gooey but not too firm. It tasted as if fifty different types of astonishing cheeses from all over the world attended a love-in, invited some noodles, and this was the epic offspring. I probably stole too much of this from Kat, but she loves me and luckily did not stab me with her fork.

What they say is true, once you eat this mac, you will never go back!

We all literally demolished our plates, leaving nothing but a graveyard of rib bones, cornbread crumbs, and empty plates with finger smeared sauce lines. After our meal was complete, Jeff once again visited our table, and we pelted him our praises. It appeared that this was not the first time Jeff was told that his food was absolutely amazing because he took the approval in stride. When we were done complimenting his fare, he made mention of the damage Kevin and I had done to our Three Meat Platters and informed us of The Epic Down To The Bone eating challenges. If you win said challenge, you win a Down To The Bone T-shirt and a place on the now empty Hall Of Fame!

Now that is a sandwich!

I understand that food in general is all about personal preference. To promise that Down To The Bone makes the best BBQ that you have had, or will ever have, is a foolish thing to guarantee. I will not make that hubristic mistake, however, I will state that it is now MY GO-TO BBQ. I feel that this endorsement should be at least enough to make you visit this relatively new restaurant. If you are a regular reader of The Blue Collar Foodie, you know that I have reviewed several BBQ joints that are much closer in proximity to me than Down To The Bone and loved each one of them for their own reasons, but I will now travel close to 45 minutes to sit my butt at Jeff’s tables and devour whatever he places in front me. I TRAVEL FOR FOOD!

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Posted on

May 23, 2014

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Five Ridiculous Memorial Day Burgers That Will Make Your Neighbor’s Grill Weep

So, you have 20 friends coming over your house on Monday, huh? Are you going to serve them the same old boring ass hamburgers that every Joe American is going to be grilling? Or are you going to be a noble fucking beast and serve your guests something so ridiculously unique that each and every one of them will not be able to fight the urge to post pictures of your magnificent concoction all over the internets? If you decided to turn your ground beef into a glorious gastronomic powerhouse instead of a forgettable hockey puck then you have come to the right place my friend! I present to you five hamburgers that are more insane than Miley Cyrus²+Brittany Spears³, and those bitches be crazy!

Bitches do in fact be crazy.

The Deep Fried Doritos Breaded Burger

This burger is pretty easy to make as long as you have a deep fryer, a grill, and a bag of Doritos you mind turning into tiny bits of awesomeness. First off, grill up a burger patty and let it cool for a few minutes. Next coat the son of a bitch with flour, dunk it into some egg, and dip it into some crushed up Doritos. Then just drop it in a deep fryer for about 30 seconds and BOOM! I suggest adding some bacon,lettuce, and your favorite barbecue sauce to your masterpiece before causing all your guests to fall madly in love with you.

Doritos as fucking breadcrumbs people! Why the hell did no one think of this sooner?

The Luther Burger

This motherfucker should be named the unhealthy burger! Weighing in at approximately 800 to 1,500 calories per burger this beauty is not for your friends that want to fit into their itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka-dot bikinis. Another easy burger to create but it is not a one your guest will soon forget. Simply take your average grilled burger patty, with whatever cheese tickles your fancy, and bacon of course and insert it into a grilled glazed Krispy Kreme Doughnut! That is right, your heard me.

Holy Hot Damn!

Peanut Butter Burger

I know it sounds weird but so does drinking the liquid that comes out of an animals tit, but you drink milk all the time, so Man up, women up, child up, dog up, do what ever you have to in order to try this wonderful mix of all things yummy! To build this bitch, slather some peanut butter on top of the burger about a minute or so before you take it off the grill so the peanut butter melts to an ooey gooey perfection before you top it off with some bacon and serve it in a bun.

Move over Jelly it is time for PB and Cow!

The Jersey Brunch

If your guests are arriving somewhat early you can always turn to this wonderful brunch concoction. What you are going to need to do to pull this one off is pancake batter, Taylor ham, cheese, maple syrup, ketchup, and a burger patty. Start making your pancakes as you would normally but mid way through cooking the first side sprinkle the Taylor Ham and Cheese into the batter. Next mix your maple syrup with your ketchup and cut your pre-cooked burger patty in half. Once the pancake is ready construct your yumminess and watch your guests cheer.

Brunch ain’t just for rich white folk after all.

The ‘Merica

Are you tired of all that beef getting in the way of your Bacon? If you answered Yes to that question you need this burger in your life. It is made almost entirely out of Bacon and your heart very well explode from the first bite of this beast. But at least you will die with a smile on your face.

Cause it is your fucking duty!

Go forth and grill my friends! Happy Memorial Day from the Blue Collar Foodie!

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Posted on

May 16, 2014

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A Drink A Day Keeps The Sober Away: The Blue Collar Foodie’s Daily Excuses To Drink Your Face Off!

A While back I was playing beer pong at a family barbecue, and a well-seasoned relative walked up to the table. He stared intently as the game progressed, and we could almost see the gears working in his head. Finally, I asked if he wanted to play the next game. To this our kin simply replied, I don’t think so. I then asked him why not. To that he said what will go down in the annals of our family as the single best response/rant that has ever been uttered by anyone that has ever climbed our family tree.

He once again gazed at the table and then glared back at us while he slowly stroked his gray and sparse beard. You see, he said, I have studied this game for quite some time, and I believe it to be not only dumb but a gigantic waste of time. We began to protest, but he merely lifted his finger, as if to say, let me finish, and we all allowed him to go on.

If I got the rules right, he continued, the team with the ball is trying to throw the ball into the other team’s cups. If the team on offense makes said ball into said cup then the other team drinks. So essentially, your idea of a drinking game, is not to drink, he asked with a smile on his face?

Once again we tried to answer this obvious rhetorical question, but the finger interrupted on more time. Let me show you booze toddlers the only drinking game I have ever played. It is far better this one of the countless others I have watched you play over the years…

Then he paused for a moment. He knew he had us on the hook. We all thought we were about to learn an ancient long lost drinking game that we could post to Reddit and gain thousands of Karma Points. The anticipation was killing us.

The silence was broken by our kinsman lifting his beer slowly to his mouth and taking a large sip from the cup. He lowered the beer from his mouth as slow as he raised it and began to speak. “I Win!” he said.

We all tilted our heads like a puppy who just heard a word that his owner had never uttered before. He slowly lifted the cup back to his mouth and took another long sip, and said, “I win again.” We all groaned, the others that started listening halfway through chuckled, and our dear old relative walked away while taking one last sip proclaiming under his breath and almost to himself, that he won again before releasing a slow soft snicker.

The moral of this story is that most Americans, at least the ones that were born in the 70’s or later need a reason to drink. Apparently, science has decided that drinking on a random Tuesday is called alcoholism, but drinking on a Tuesday because it’s St. Patrick’s Day is normal social behavior.

With that said, I have devised the perfect plan to not feel like a pariah for drinking on any day I damn well please. May I present to you, The Blue Collar Foodies’ 365 reasons to get CRUNK! Pick a day, any day, find it below, and celebrate whatever silly ass holiday is listed. Now drunken holidays are not only for the Irish and The Mexicans, but for the Americans as well! ‘Merica!

Borrowed From Here

January 1

Bad Hangover Day

Excuse to drink: To hell with science, hair of the dog just makes sense!

January 2

Happy Mew Year for Cats Day

Excuse to drink: Cats can’t, that’s why!

January 3

Women Rock! Day

Excuse to drink: If you are a woman, raise a glass to yourself and If you are a man, take a shot in honor of a woman that rocked your world!

January 4

Isaac Newton’s Birthday

Excuse to drink: I fucking love Science and so should you!

January 5

Bozo the Clown’s Birthday

Excuse to drink: Clowns are freaking scary, drink to forget their creepiness!

Borrowed From Here

January 6

National Smith Day

Excuse to drink: Drink a Samuel Smiths today! You are also traditionally supposed to hug anyone named Smith.

January 7

Fruitcake Toss Day

Excuse to drink: Lawn sports and drinking go so very well together!

January 8

Elvis Presley’s Birthday

Excuse to drink: Celebrate Fat Elvis by drinking your carbs one pint at a time. I suggest drinking Sweet Baby Jesus, a chocolate peanut butter porter.

January 9

Word Nerd Day

Excuse to drink: Scrabble and Scotch make you feel like a freaking aristocrat until you start spelling nothing but obscenities and sexual positions.

January10

Peculiar People Day

Excuse to drink: People are strange but drunk people are so much fun!

Borrowed From here

January 11

International Thank You Day

Excuse to drink: There is no better way to say thank you than giving the gift of booze.

January 12

National Pharmacist Day

Excuse to drink: Self Medication!

January 13

Blame Somebody Else Day

Excuse to drink: Nothing encourages unprompted finger pointing like tying one on.

January 14

National Dress Up Your Pet Day

Excuse to drink: Question: What is better than a pet in a costume? Answer: A pet in a costume while you are drunk!

Borrowed From Here

January 15

Martin Luther King Jr. Birthday

Excuse to drink: Everyone should pour a little out for this dude.

January 16

National Nothing Day

Excuse to drink: Ain’t nothing better than Drinking and doing nothing!

January 17

Ben Franklin’s Birthday

Excuse to drink: Ben loved himself some beer, and you should too.

January 18

Winnie-the-Pooh Day

Excuse to drink: If Christopher Robin can trip, you should be able to at least drink some booze.

January 19

New Friends Day

Excuse to drink: They don’t call it Social Lubricant for nothing.

January 20

Cheese Day

Excuse to drink: Cheese goes with Wine, Beer, and Hooch like NPH and awesome.

January 21

National Hugging Day

Excuse to drink: Drunk hugs are better than sober ones, and sometimes lead to naked hugging!

January 22

Answer Your Cat’s Question Day

Excuse to drink: Your cat is obviously asking, “why aren’t you drinking?”

Borrowed From Here

January 23

Spouse’s Day

Excuse to drink: Nothing says I love you like sloppy drunk sex.

January 24

“Just Do It” Day

Excuse to drink: The name of the damn day says so!

January 25

Fun At Work Day

Excuse to drink: The only way to have fun at work is to drink a few special lattes in the morning.

January 26

Australia Day

Excuse to drink: Aussie’s know how to drink and you need the practice!

January 27

Mad Tea Party Day

Excuse to drink: Celebrate Lewis Carroll by getting as drunk as the door mouse.

January 28

Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day

Excuse to drink: Apparently you have never played with bubble wrap while drunk?

January 29

Free Thinkers Day

Excuse to drink: Alcohol and free thinking are better friends than Hugh Hefner and Pfizer.

January 30

National Croissant Day

Excuse to drink: Mimosas anyone!

January 31

Jackie Robinson’s Birthday

Excuse to drink: Baseball!

Borrowed From Here

February 1

National Freedom Day

Excuse to drink: Celebrate your freedom one drink at a time

February 2

Groundhog Day

Excuse to drink: If there are six more weeks of winter drink your sorrows away, if spring is coming it is a celebration bitches!

Borrowed From Here

February 3

Halfway Point of Winter

Excuse to drink: Doesn’t matter what Punxsutawney Phil said yesterday, winter is officially half over!

February 4

Rosa Park’s Birthday

Excuse to drink: Rosa Park was a bad ass bitch and she should be celebrated!

February 5

Peter Pan Day

Excuse to drink: I will never grow up and neither should you!

February 6

Pay a Compliment Day

Excuse to drink: Compliments flow better when booze is being poured liberally.

February 7

Dump Your Significant Jerk Day

Excuse to drink: Lose the zero, and start drinking with a hero!

Borrowed From Here

February 8

Mike Day internationally recognized focal point of month-long celebration Mikefest

Excuse to drink: Considering it seems like 75% of the world is named Mike, I am sure you can find one to drink in honor of. Hint: My name is Mike!

February 9

National Bagels and Lox Day

Excuse to drink: Best Brunch Food Ever!

February 10

World Marriage Day:

Excuse to drink: Whether it is your own or somebody else’s, raise your glass in honor of the love and commitment that makes marriage work.

February 11

Promise Day

Excuse to drink: Lower your inhibitions and make a promise to yourself that you force yourself to keep.

February 12

Darwin Day

Excuse to drink: Beer and spirits are proof of evolution, drink to Darwin!

Borrowed From Here

February 13

Get a Different Name Day

Excuse to drink: Sounds like a fun drinking name.

February 14

Valentine’s Day

Excuse to drink: Celebrate being loved, or drink your sorrow away.

February 15

Susan B. Anthony’s Birthday

Excuse to drink: Chicks can vote because of this brolick bitch, take a shot for her, hell take two.

February 16

Do a Grouch a Favor Day

Excuse to drink: Go to your local bar and by the grumpiest curmudgeon you can find a shot.

Cantankerous people need booze too.

February 17

Random Acts of Kindness Day

Excuse to drink: Buy a round for your friends and tip well.

February 18

Pluto Discovered (1930)

Excuse to drink: Drink one for our fallen planet homie.

Borrowed From Here

February 19

International Friendship Day

Excuse to drink: Here is to friends, without them we would never know when we are acting like a douche.

February 20

Love Your Pet Day

Excuse to drink: Raise your glass to unconditional love and constant affection.

February 21

Ash Wednesday

Excuse to drink: You have dirt on your head and everyone is staring at you.

February 22

George Washington’s Birthday

Excuse to drink: G Dub did not open a can of whoop ass all over the British so you could lollygag around and be useless. He did it so he could grow hemp and drink whenever the hell he pleased. Since the federal government still disagrees with the hemp part, drink up, because it is was our founding fathers would have wanted.

February 23

National Rationalization Day

Excuse to drink: Be honest, you are reading a blog to find an excuse to drink. Let’s use today to come to terms that you are a functioning alcoholic and move on. DRINK!

February 24

National Tortilla Chip Day

Excuse to drink: These Tortillas are making me THIRSTY!

February 25

Quiet Day

Excuse to drink: Drinking is quieter than chewing.

February 26

Tell a Fairy Tale Day

Excuse to drink: Drunk stories are always better than sober stories.

February 27

No Brainer Day

Excuse to drink: DRINK!

February 28

International Pancake Day

Excuse to drink: I smell Brunch!

Borrowed From Here

February 29

Leap Day

Excuse to drink: You only get an extra day to drink once every four years!

March 1

National Pig Day

Excuse to drink: Always follow the pig!

Borrowed From Here

March 2

Old Stuff Day

Excuse to drink: Time to break out the good stuff, nothing aged under 18 years today.

March 3

What if Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs? Day

Excuse to drink: They would crack open a beer and so should you!

March 4

Hug a GI Day

Excuse to drink: While you are at it, buy them a shot too.

March 5

Mother – in – Law Day

Excuse to drink: With her or because of her, bottoms up!

March 6

Alamo Day

Excuse to drink: REMEMBER THE ALAMO!

March 7

National Be Heard Day

Excuse to drink: No one is louder than a drunk.

March 8

Aunt’s Day

Excuse to drink: We are not talking about Aunt Flow here either people; invite your favorite Aunt out for a pint.

March 9

Employee Appreciation Day

Excuse to drink: We are all employed by someone, this time we get to celebrate ourselves.

Borrowed From Here

March 10

Harriet Tubman’s Birthday

Excuse to drink: Harriet Tubman was born a slave; escaped, used the Underground Railroad to save at least seventy enslaved family and friends, and was a Union Spy. If that is not reason enough to drink, I do not know what is.

March 11

Ezra Jack Keats Birthday (The Snowy Day)

Excuse to drink: Books are great! Drinking is great! Coincidence I think not.

March 12

National Organize your home office day

Excuse to drink: I guess, “move a few sheets of paper around every now and again so your significant other thinks you’re working, while you get drunk and play Playstation Day,” was too long of a title.

March 13

Planet Uranus Discovered

Excuse to drink: Drink in honor of the only planet that makes even grown adults chuckle every time someone says its name.

March 14

Pi (3.14159265…) Day

Excuse to drink: Seriously! Come on people, it is a day that is also a mathematical symbol! If you don’t know why you are celebrating today, I ain’t telling you!

Borrowed From Here

March 15

True Confession Day

Excuse to drink: Nothing brings out a good old fashioned Catholic style confession like a bottle of hooch.

March 16

Everything You Do Is Right Day

Excuse to drink: If you do it, it is right!

March 17

St. Patrick’s Day

Excuse to drink: I will not dignify this with a response!

Borrowed From Here

March 18

Awkward Moments Day

Excuse to drink: As Big Bird would say, Today is brought to you by the Letters A.B.V.

March 19

Let’s Laugh Day

Excuse to drink: Everything is funnier when you are lit up!

March 20

Snowman Burning Day

Excuse to drink: Seriously people, read up on this day. Then grab some friends, some booze, a giant paper snowman, and some matches!

March 21

National Single Parents Day

Excuse to drink: Drink because they can’t!

March 22

As Young As You Feel Day

Excuse to drink: I see shots of Fireball and Jägermeister in your immediate future!

March 23

Near Miss Day

Excuse to drink: Back in 1989 a gigantic asteroid barely missed turning Earth into a flaming donut of death. Have one now because you never know when we are going to have to try to send Bruce Willis to outer space to save the world.

Borrowed From Here

March 24

National Family Day

Excuse to drink: Drink with your relatives!

March 25

National Waffle Day

Excuse to drink: BRUNCH AGAIN!

March 26

Make up your own Holiday Day

Excuse to drink: Now this sounds like a solid drinking game!

March 27

Michael Jon Arp’s Birthday

Excuse to drink: Your kids will be celebrating this day in the future; you might as well get a head start.

March 28

Something on a stick day

Excuse to drink: Nothing goes better with anything served on a stick than a nice cold beer.

March 29

National Mom & Pop Small Business owners Day

Excuse to drink: Fun fact: Most bars are small businesses and family owned. Furthermore, most family owned businesses are B.Y.O.B.

Borrowed From Here

March 30

Pencil with Eraser Patented (1858)

Excuse to drink: Mistakes are meant to be made, keep drinking.

March 31

National Farm Workers Day

Excuse to drink: They work harder than you will ever work so you can have fresh vegetable in your salad. You better drink in their honor.

April 1

April Fool’s Day

Excuse to drink: You were had all day, you might as well have one.

April 2

Reconciliation Day

Excuse to drink: Patch up an old friend ship over a few drinks.

April 3

World Party Day

Excuse to drink: What is a party without booze!

Borrowed From Here

April 4

Walk Around Things Day

Excuse to drink: Might as well drink while you are walking around things.

April 5

Stories Day

Excuse to drink: You can’t tell a story about being drunk properly unless you are drunk.

April 6

Tartan Day

Excuse to drink: Tartan Day is the celebration of Scottish Heritage, so eat some haggis and drink some scotch. That is unless you are a racist.

April 7

World Health Day

Excuse to drink: Science says one drink is good for me, so several much be better.

April 8

Astronomy Day

Excuse to drink: Have a stargazing party. Party = Booze remember.

Borrowed From Here

April 9

Winston Churchill Day

Excuse to drink: That is Sir Winston Leonard Spencer-Churchill to you! Drink because he said so!

April 10

National Sibling Day

Excuse to drink:Have a drink with your sibling and act stupid, just like old times.

April 11

National Cheese Fondue Day

Excuse to drink: Whether you choose to pair your cheese with wine or beer you will not be disappointed you celebrated today.

April 12

Reach as High as You Can Day

Excuse to drink: You will look stupid doing this if you are sober

April 13

International Plant Appreciation Day

Excuse to drink: Hops are a plant, Drink!

April 14

Ex-Spouse Day

Excuse to drink: If you left ‘em, drink to that. If they left you, here is hoping they get Nuclear Clap.

April 15

Tax Day

Excuse to drink: The Government sucks, that’s why!

Borrowed From Here

April 16

National Eggs Benedict Day

Excuse to drink: I’ll give you one guess. It starts with a B and rhymes with Lunch! B R U N C H!!!!

April 17

Blah! Blah! Blah ! Day

Excuse to drink: BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! DRINK!

April 18

Pet Owner’s Day

Excuse to drink: Pets are awesome!

April 19

Patriot’s Day

Excuse to drink: If you don’t drink today, you are a communist!

April 20

International Weed Day

Excuse to drink: You can’t smoke all day, take a break, and have a beer.

Borrowed From Here

April 21

Big Word Day

Excuse to drink: Listening to your friends try to pronounce and then define words like Anachronistic is going to be funny as hell after a few drinks.

April 22

Earth Day

Excuse to drink: Mother Nature is the shit!

April 23

International Nose Picking Day

Excuse to drink: If you are drunk, you can blame your disgusting habits on the booze.

April 24

Pigs-in-a-Blanket Day

Excuse to drink: Beer and tiny hotdogs are a match made in heaven.

April 25

Arbor Day

Excuse to drink: Hug a tree and drink a beer!

Borrowed From Here

April 26

Hug a Friend Day

Excuse to drink: You are out with your friend you might as well stop by the bar and have at least one drink.

April 27

Mule Day

Excuse to drink: Drink something that kicks like a mule!

April 28

Take Our Daughters And Sons To Work Day

Excuse to drink: When you get home you are going to need a drink

April 29

World Tai Chi & Qigong Day

Excuse to drink: After a nice calm, relaxing Tai Chi session a nice stiff drink will taste awesome.

April 30

National Honesty Day

Excuse to drink: Nothing brings out sincere honesty like a few cocktails.

May 1

Couple Appreciation Day

Excuse to drink: Have a drink with your significant other in honor of your tremendous union.

May 2

National Baby’s day

Excuse to drink: Have one for the baby’s in your life because the man says you can’t put a little whiskey on their teeth anymore.

Borrowed From Here

May 3

Sun Day (Day of the Sun)

Excuse to drink: DAYTIME DRINKING!!!

May 4

International Star Wars Day (May the Fourth Be With You)

Excuse to drink: Google Star Wars drinking games and then watch all six movies.

May 5

Cinco De Mayo

Excuse to drink: No explanation needed. This holiday was created to be on this list.

May 6

National Beverage Day

Excuse to drink: It would be disrespectful to not drink on Beverage Day!

May 7

National Tourism Day

Excuse to drink: Pretend you’re a tourist and drive into the city, do touristy things, and then finish the night off with a fancy dinner at Apple Bees complete with a few drinks.

May 8

National Teacher’s Day

Excuse to drink: I am sure you were the reason many of your teachers drank, so now you can return the favor and have one in their honor.

May 9

Tear the Tags Off the Mattress Day

Excuse to drink: You are going to need some liquid courage if you are about to violate federal laws.

Borrowed From Here

May 10

National Nightshift Workers Day

Excuse to drink: What shift do you think Bar Tenders work? DRINK UP AND TIP WELL!

May 11

Eat What You Want Day

Excuse to drink: This includes liquid bread.

May 12

Limerick Day (Edward Lear’s birthday)

Excuse to drink: Dirty limericks are hilarious when you are drunk.

May 13

Native American Day

Excuse to drink: Our ancestors were douchebags, the least we can do it raise a glass in their honor.

May 14

Crazy Day

Excuse to drink: Go ahead, Get Crazy… It is your duty!

May 15

Peace Officers Memorial Day

Excuse to drink: Even if you don’t like them you got to admit dying to protect others is pretty admirable.

Borrowed From Here

May 16

Wear Purple For Peace Day

Excuse to drink: To Peace!

May 17

World Telecommunications Day

Excuse to drink: If you are going to call your ex-girlfriend you might as well do it drunk.

May 18

No Dirty Dishes day

Excuse to drink: Only way to have no dirty dishes is if you go out to eat and while you are at it you might as well order a few drinks.

May 19

Armed Forces day

Excuse to drink: They suffer so you don’t have to! They fight so you can drink whenever you want to!

May 20

Flower Day

Excuse to drink: Flowers and a bottle of wine go a long way with the little lady.

May 21

National Waitresses/Waiters Day

Excuse to drink: Yet another excuse to go out to dinner and have some drinks, as always TIP WELL!

May 22

Buy-A-Musical-Instrument Day

Excuse to drink: If you are going to be a musician you gotta drink! All musicians drink.

May 23

National Pickle Day

Excuse to drink: Pickle Back Shot!

May 24

Scavenger Hunt Day

Excuse to drink: What is better than a drunken scavenger hunt? Nothing. The answer is nothing.

May 25

National Something day

Excuse to drink: Drinking is something right? Right?

May 26

Senior Health and Fitness Day

Excuse to drink: Raise a glass to the old folks in your life!

May 27

International Jazz Day

Excuse to drink: Listening to Jazz and drinking booze go together like a beer and a camp fire.

May 28

Morning Radio Day

Excuse to drink: I always need a drink when I am forced to listen to the Z-morning Zoo.

Borrowed From Here

May 29

Honor your Ancestors Day

Excuse to drink: Make sure to spill just a little out for your descendants.

May 30

Hug your cat day

Excuse to drink: Alcohol is a great pain killer and Fluffy tears your skin up.

Borrowed From Here

May 31

National Meditation Day

Excuse to drink: While you are relaxed, why not relax some more.

June 1

American Zoo Day

Excuse to drink: Animals and Booze! Animals and Booze!

June 2

Leave the Office Early Day

Excuse to drink: Can you say Happy Hour!

June 3

National Trails Day

Excuse to drink: Hiking without beer is like Fishing without beer, boring and useless.

June 4

Socrates’s Birthday

Excuse to drink: He was one of the founders of Western philosophy, go find a bar and wax poetic about all things undebatable.

June 5

World Environment Day

Excuse to drink: Drink draught beer today because it is a renewable resource!

June 6

D-Day Anniversary

Excuse to drink: Cause Fuck The Nazis!

June 7

Freedom of the Press day

Excuse to drink: Extra! Extra! Read all about it! You should be drinking!

June 8

World Ocean Day

Excuse to drink: The Ocean is freaking amazing, and so is drinking.

Borrowed From Here

June 9

Best Friends Day

Excuse to drink: Drinking with your BFF is more fun than drinking alone.

June 10

Race Unity Day

Excuse to drink: Drink to diversity! Bonus points if your friend circle is a diverse as the cover photo of your local college’s website.

June 11

Abused Women and Children’s Awareness Day

Excuse to drink: To prove that not people who drink are abusive assholes.

June 12

Magic Day

Excuse to drink: Now you see my drink, now you don’t! We all like magic why not celebrate it.

June 13

Weed Your Garden Day

Excuse to drink: Because you earned it, toiling in the garden all day.

June 14

Flag Day

Excuse to drink: ‘MERICA!

Borrowed From Here

June 15

National Photography Day

Excuse to drink: Drunk selfies are so much more fun!

June 16

No Orange Clothes Day

Excuse to drink: Today is a built in drinking game, if you spot anyone wearing orange, DRINK!

June 17

Eat Your Vegetables Day

Excuse to drink: Hint: Drink garnishes count.

June 18

National Splurge Day

Excuse to drink: Go ahead, splurge away!

June 19

World Sauntering Day

Excuse to drink: Drinking adds a swagger than simply can’t be matched.

June 20

Bald Eagle Day

Excuse to drink: The Eagle is majestic as fuck and it represents our country.

June 21

Summer Solstice

Excuse to drink: I hope you saved your Christmas Tree. Light a fire, and burn that son of a bitch. While you are at it have a drink.

Borrowed From Here

June 22

Stupid Guy Thing Day

Excuse to drink: Celebrate all the dumb shit guys do, including drinking!

June 23

Let It Go Day

Excuse to drink: The easiest way to forget about your problems is to drink them away.

June 24

Great American Picnic Day

Excuse to drink: Picnics are better with booze!

June 25

LEON Day

Excuse to drink: Six Months Until Christmas.

June 26

International Day in Support of Victims of Torture

Excuse to drink: Drink, because not drinking is torture.

June 27

Helen Keller’s Birthday

Excuse to drink: Drink until you’re deaf and blind.

June 28

World War 1 Commemoration

Excuse to drink: Drink to the soldiers that kept this world safe when wars had meaning and politicians have souls.

June 29

National Duck Day

Excuse to drink: The only day when Duck Face Selfies are not only justified but mandatory.

Borrowed From Here

June 30

Meteor Day

Excuse to drink: Space is freaking awesome!

July 1

Canada Day

Excuse to drink: To Canada you Hosier!

July 2

I Forgot Day

Excuse to drink: Drink the day away!

July 3

PacMan Game Day

Excuse to drink: Sound like the perfect day for vintage video games and shitty beer.

July 4

Independence Day

Excuse to drink: ‘Merica!

Borrowed From Here

July 5

Workaholics Day

Excuse to drink: To all of us that burn the candle at both ends.

July 6

National Fried Chicken Day

Excuse to drink: This day screams for some bourbon.

July 7

Father-Daughter Take a Walk Together Day

Excuse to drink: Depending on the age of your daughter, you will either need the flask because of what she tells you, or you can share it with her.

July 8

Be a Kid Again Day

Excuse to drink: Sneak out of the house through a window, meet up with your friends in the park and get shitty on some MD 20/20 and Jose Cuervo.

July 9

Air Conditioning Appreciation Day

Excuse to drink: Sit back, kick up your feet, and relax with a frozen daiquiri in your hand as the greatest invention of the 20^th Century cools you down.

July 10

Don’t Step on a Bee Day

Excuse to drink: It is a rarity to find a bee in a bar.

July 11

Cheer up the Lonely Day

Excuse to drink: By buying them a shot!

Borrowed From Here

July 12

Swimming Pool Day

Excuse to drink: Summer is all about sitting in a pool with drink in hand.

July 13

Embrace Your Geekiness Day

Excuse to drink: Drink until your nerd comes out!

July 14

Pick Blueberries Day

Excuse to drink: Celebrate how many Blueberries you picked!

July 15

Be a Dork Day

Excuse to drink: Dorks need to drink too!

Borrowed From Here

July 16

International Juggling Day

Excuse to drink: Go find a renaissance faire and take a shot with a juggler. If you can’t find a renaissance faire I guess a Juggalo will have to do. Yea that was an ICP reference!

July 17

POW-MIA Recognition Day

Excuse to drink: Honor those that have given everything to protect our freedom.

July 18

Cow Appreciation Day

Excuse to drink: You eat them all the damn time, the least you can do is take a shot to celebrate how awesome they taste.

July 19

Stick Out Your Tongue Day

Excuse to drink: Those selfies are going to be priceless!

July 20

Nap Day

Excuse to drink: You are a grown ass man/woman and you got to take a nap! High five yourself for being awesome, and then drink up because you obviously don’t have any responsibilities.

July 21

National Tug-Of-War Tournament Day

Excuse to drink: Grab your friends, a rope, and a keg! Tonight is going to be a muscle ripping, rope burn, getting frat boy drunk kind of night.

July 22

Summer Leisure Day

Excuse to drink: It is Summer Leisure Day, that means your ass better be in a tube on a lazy river with a beer in both hands.

Borrowed From Here

July 23

Gorgeous Grandma Day

Excuse to drink: Drink every time you see a GILF!

July 24

Amelia Earhart Day

Excuse to drink: Drink a few airplane bottles in solidarity with this record setting Aviation Diva.

July 25

Candles on a Cake Day

Excuse to drink: It is always somebody’s birthday and if there are candles on a cake I am drinking!

July 26

All or Nothing Day

Excuse to drink: Go big or Go home!

July 27

National Korean War Veterans Armistice Day

Excuse to drink: Throw a few back for the old timers that are still around the fought in the Korean War because most of them can’t drink now because their doctor says so!

July 28

Accountants Day

Excuse to drink: Love ‘em or Hate ‘em, without them we would all have no idea where the hell our money goes. To the Bean Counters!

July 29

To the Moon Day (NASA founded in 1958)

Excuse to drink: Toast the dreamers that sent a few humans to the moon with less computing power that we all now carry in our pockets. Gotta love those crazy bastards!

July 30

Comedy Day (Make Someone Laugh)

Excuse to drink: Everyone laughs harder when they are drunk.

July 31

Harry Potter’s Birthday

Excuse to drink: Watch the movies and google a drinking game that coincides. There are so many to choose from.

August 1

Sports Day

Excuse to drink: Grab a few friends, a ball of any kind, and a case of good beer today a day for playing some sports.

August 2

Dinosaurs Day

Excuse to drink: Bring a flask to a museum, I promise you, you won’t be disappointed.

August 3

National Watermelon Day

Excuse to drink: Have you ever filled a watermelon with vodka and then ate it. What are you waiting for, you need a watermelon and vodka STAT!

August 4th

Taxpayer Appreciation Day

Excuse to drink: Celebrate yourself if you are legit, but if you live on the other side of the law, take a drink in honor of those fools that pay Uncle Sam. I would drink something strong though because when you get caught you will have to drink toilet hooch and that shit is rough.

August 5

International Beer Day

Excuse to drink: Ummmmmmmm. Yea!

Borrowed From Here

August 6

National Fresh Breath Day

Excuse to drink: We all love fresh breath!

August 7

Purple Heart Day

Excuse to drink: Even if you don’t agree with the cause, you have to admit the recipients of this medal deserve your tribute.

August 8

Kat Day

Excuse to drink: Chicks named Kat are remarkable people and if you know one you should be drinking with them today!

August 9

National Hand holding Day

Excuse to drink: You should drink because you have someone to hold hands with.

August 10

Gals Night Out

Excuse to drink: Ladies tonight is the night to get your drink on with your bitches, Men the more they drink the better you look.

August 11

Kool-Aid Day

Excuse to drink: Ohhhhhh YEA! Vodka and Kool-Aid rules!

August 12

Baseball Fans Day

Excuse to drink: Buy a ticket to the ball park and get your tailgate going!

August 13

International Left Handers Day

Excuse to drink: Drink with all your left handed friends today.

August 14

Wiffle Ball Day

Excuse to drink: Grab a Wiffle Ball, a plastic yellow bat, a chair, and a case of beer. PLAY BALL!

August 15

National Failures Day

Excuse to drink: Drink until your failures are funny.

August 16

National Golf Day

Excuse to drink: 18 holes+24 beers= one great day!

August 17

National Thrift shop Day

Excuse to drink: Shop until you drop, then celebrate the awesome sauce that you found that someone else threw away 40 years ago.

August 18

National Homeless Animals Day

Excuse to drink: Adopt a dog and then raise a glass to its forever home!

August 19

Potato Day

Excuse to drink: Vodka anyone!

August 20

Stay-at-Home with Your Kids Day

Excuse to drink: You are going to need a drink after today.

August 21

Poets Day

Excuse to drink: Celebrate your favorite wordsmith one sip at a time.

August 22

National Punctuation Day

Excuse to drink: A.K.A. Grammar Nazi day! You will need a drink to soothe your throat, if you are the one correcting people all day, for the rest of us that throw commas around like a drunken chimp playing darts, we will need a drink to calm the urge to punch these Syntax Soldiers in their face.

August 23

Hug Your Sweetheart Day

Excuse to drink: A hug is good, but a bottle of wine and a fancy dinner is better.

Borrowed From Here

August 24

Strange Music Day

Excuse to drink: Hijack the Juke Box at your local bar by slipping a $20.00 in and play songs like this.

August 25

Kiss and Make-up Day

Excuse to drink: You just made up with your significant other.

August 26

Woman’s Equality Day

Excuse to drink: Go shot for shot with your lady friends.

August 27

Just Because Day

Excuse to drink: Drink just because.

August 28

Dream Day

Excuse to drink: Discuss your dreams while getting crunk!

August 29

More Herbs Less Salt day (Eat Healthy Day!)

Excuse to drink: Order a drink with an herbaceous garnish.

August 30

National Toasted Marshmallow Day

Excuse to drink: You must drink when sitting around a camp fire, it is simply the rules.

August 31

Eat outside day

Excuse to drink: Grab a picnic basket and some booze to celebrate the great summer you just had!

Borrowed From Here

September 1

American Chess Day

Excuse to drink: If you think Chess is a great game, try CHESS the Drinking GAME!

September 2

Pierce-Your-Ears Day

Excuse to drink: Celebrate your mid-life crisis by tying one on.

September 3

Skyscraper Day

Excuse to drink: Pick your favorite building and go visit it! While you are in the city you might as well have a drink.

September 4

Eat an Extra Dessert Day

Excuse to drink: Booze is a dessert right?

September 5

Waffle House Day (Debuted in 1955)

Excuse to drink: Every Waffle House restaurant is open 24 hours a day and 365 days a year, so hit up a bar and have a midnight snack at a Good ‘Ol Waffle House.

Borrowed From Here

September 6

Do It! Day (aka Fight Procrastination)

Excuse to drink: DRINK!

September 7

Google Commemoration Day

Excuse to drink: If it wasn’t for google we would still be using map quest, arguing all night at bars, and have @aol.com at the end of our email addresses. To Google!

September 8

International Literacy Day

Excuse to drink: Read a book while drinking some scotch Mr. or Ms. Fancypants.

September 9

Wonderful Weirdos Day

Excuse to drink: Fly your weird flag all over your local tavern.

September 10

National Boss / Employee Exchange Day

Excuse to drink: Happy Hour! Exchange beers with your boss.

September 11

9/11 Observances & Remembrances

Excuse to drink: Never Forget!

September 12

National Policewoman Day

Excuse to drink: If you can drink with them, if you can’t drink for them, just never… never… ever… hit on ‘em.

September 13

Barbershop Day

Excuse to drink: Get a haircut you hippie and then go out and show off your new do.

September 14

National Pet Memorial Day

Excuse to drink: Raise a glass to all the pets in your life that are no longer with us.

Borrowed From Here

September 15

National Thank-You Day

Excuse to drink: Say thank you with a few a drinks.

September 16

Wife Appreciation Day

Excuse to drink: Happy wife, Happy life, and my wife likes to drink.

September 17

National Constitution Day

Excuse to drink: Drink-up because the constitution says we can.

September 18

National Play-Doh Day

Excuse to drink: Drink because you made that awesome Play-Doh sculpture. You rock dude.

September 19

Talk Like a Pirate Day

Excuse to drink: And drink like one too.

September 20

National Punch Day

Excuse to drink: Punch as in that giant bowl of liquid that your 17 year old self spiked in order to get to second base with Mary Jane Such and Such. Now is the time to spike that punch once again.

September 21

Miniature Golf Day

Excuse to drink: A few friends, a flask, and a mini-golf course, sounds heavenly doesn’t it.

September 22

Hobbit Day

Excuse to drink: Find some Barliman’s Best or your favorite beer and have a hobbit themed party complete with Middle Earth inspired food.

September 23

Checkers Day

Excuse to drink: If we are going to celebrate Chess we should probably celebrate its dumber cousin. At least it is easier to play when you are in the bag.

September 24

Eat Dinner with your family day

Excuse to drink: You are probably going to need to drink before, during, and after.

September 25

National Comic Book Day

Excuse to drink: Everyone loves comic books even if they don’t admit it.

September 26

National Food Service Employees Day

Excuse to drink: Here’s to everyone that brings and cooks you food when you don’t want to do it yourself.

September 27

Crush a Can Day

Excuse to drink: Gotta drink what is inside before you crush.

September 28

Ask a stupid question day

Excuse to drink: Do you want another drink? See what I did there.

September 29

Happy Goose Day

Excuse to drink: Did you know that Geese will never let another goose die alone? How about that Geese mate for life and mourn the loss of their loved one when they die. Geese are pretty freaking cool, as long as they are not pooping on you! Here’s to geese!

September 30

Pumpkin Day

Excuse to drink: Pumpkin beer it is!

October 1

World Vegetarian Day

Excuse to drink: Booze goes great with Veggies too!

October 2

Charlie Brown & Snoopy’s Birthday

Excuse to drink: Celebrate everyone’s favorite Block head and his sarcastic puppy too.

Borrowed From Here

October 3

Techies Day

Excuse to drink: Drink to all the nerds in your life, for without them who would you call when your computer gets the internet clap!

October 4

Ten-Four Day

Excuse to drink: If you are going to speak like a trucker or a cop you might as well drink like one.

October 5

Smile Day

Excuse to drink: It is hard not to smile with a drink in your hand.

October 6

Clergy Appreciation Day

Excuse to drink: Even if you are not religious it is pretty amazing that these men and women give up their lives in the name of service to their community.

October 7

National Frappe Day

Excuse to drink: Because you just drank a crap load of coffee and ain’t going to bed anytime soon.

October 8

Thanksgiving Day in Canada

Excuse to drink: If the Canadians are celebrating something so should you. Don’t let those floppy heads have all the fun.

October 9

Leif Erikson Day

Excuse to drink: That dude was a Viking and if there is one thing that Vikings liked to do more than pillaging and plundering it was drinking! Grab yourself a horn mug and drink up.

Borrowed From Here

October 10

World Mental Health Day

Excuse to drink: The first step towards defeating your problem is to acknowledge its existence. The second step is to drink it away, unless of cause that problem is alcoholism, then I suggest a different route.

October 11

Coming Out Day

Excuse to drink: To understand the difficulty of being in the closet, one must try to comprehend fighting ever urge to be one’s self in front of everyone they love in fear that the truth will destroy the affection the hold so dear. Raise your glass to honor all of those who were brave enough to already take this step, take a shot for everyone that is still struggling with this monumental decision, and pour a little out for every misguided soul that thinks it is their business who someone else loves.

October 12

Moment of Frustration Scream- Day (scream 30 seconds)

Excuse to drink: …and have a drink afterwards.

October 13

It’s Train Your Brain Day

Excuse to drink: Beer is like a protein shake for your brain! Work it out and then drink it off.

October 14

Bald is Beautiful Day

Excuse to drink: Drink in honor of all the folically challenged people in your life.

October 15

National Poetry Day

Excuse to drink: Write a poem for your loved one, share a bottle of wine, and hopefully a bed.

October 16

World Food Day

Excuse to drink: You need something to drink with all the awesome food you are about to eat.

October 17

National Pasta Day

Excuse to drink: Pasta is freaking awesome!

Borrowed From Here

October 18

Alaska Day

Excuse to drink: Because all Alaskans do too.

October 19

Evaluate Your Life Day

Excuse to drink: You are going to need a few drinks after having this conversation with yourself.

October 20

National Brandied Fruit Day

Excuse to drink: Technically, I guess this should read excuse to eat your booze.

October 21

National Pumpkin Cheesecake Day

Excuse to drink: Nothing goes better with Pumpkin Cheesecake like a nice tall mug of Pumpkin Beer.

October 22

Make A Difference Day

Excuse to drink: Go out, do something awesome for someone and then drink to yourself you amazing son of a bitch.

October 23

TV Talk-Show Host Day

Excuse to drink: You going to have to be drunk to watch that rubbish.

October 24

Sour Day

Excuse to drink: Sour beers are making a comeback and I think this is the perfect day for you to jump on this bandwagon.

October 25

National Greasy Foods Day

Excuse to drink: If a PBR and a filthy cheese burger doesn’t sound f-ing amazeballs to you, you are reading the wrong blog.

Borrowed From Here

October 26

Mule Day

Excuse to drink: Dude, Science made Mules and that is awesome! A male donkey gets it on with a female horse and boom MULE! That would be like a human and chimp doing the horizontal naked time dance and creating a Humanzee! Oh holy crap I want a Humanzee right now!

October 27

Cranky Co-workers Day

Excuse to drink: A liquid lunch is just what those cantankerous bastards need to turn their frown upside down

October 28

Internet Day

Excuse to drink: Seriously, it is the internet! Pick one of the about 180,000,000 results that Google will find in about 0.36 seconds when you search drinking games and rock out.

October 29

National Oatmeal Day

Excuse to drink: I know what you are thinking, come on man we need a reason to drink booze not Ensure. Relax, I got your back… Think Oatmeal Stout!

October 30

Devil’s Night / Mischief Night/Cabbage Night

Excuse to drink: Someone has to protect the homestead from that little, pre-pubescent, egg toting doucheknuckles. What you will need is a bunch of booze, a really bright light, a gawking chair and a camera. Every time, one of those punks walks past and thinks about ruining your paint job just remind them that jury’s love to watch a good movie starring the criminal.

Borrowed From Here

October 31

Halloween

Excuse to drink: Booze is just treats for adults. Trick or treat, smell my feet; give me something good To drink. If you don’t, I don’t Care, I will pull down my underwear… And leave an upper deck in your toilet seat you cheap fuck.

November 1

Day of the Dead

Excuse to drink: Gather your family and friends to pray for and remember friends and family members who have died.

November 2

Name your Car Day

Excuse to drink: Celebrate your noble steed.

November 3

Sandwich Day

Excuse to drink: Possibly the best food canvas in the culinary world, we have eaten them since practically birth, from the first peanut butter and jelly, our lovely moms cut the crust off of to the wild boar bacon, foie gras, and brie Panini that now tickles our fancy.

November 4

National Skeptic’s Day

Excuse to drink: If you don’t your friends may become skeptical of your life decisions.

November 5

Guy Fawkes Night (bonfire night, fireworks night)

Excuse to drink: Fireworks and drinking are better than most things in this world. Be mindful though drinking and hospitals suck! Be careful and don’t say I did not warn you.

November 6

I love Nachos Day

Excuse to drink: NACHOS!!!

Borrowed From Here

November 7

Hug a Bear Day

Excuse to drink: After you are done hugging a bear you are going to need a hospital and some heavy duty liquor.

November 8

Try a New Recipe Day

Excuse to drink: Download a bartending App and make yourself a cocktail that you have never tried before.

November 9

National Scrapple Day

Excuse to drink: Some of you may have to drink a few before you gain enough courage to give scrapple a try. I on the other hand love this breakfast food produced by food gluing the parts of the pig that hot dog companies won’t even use. Mmmmmmm… Food Glue.

November 10

Lung Cancer Awareness Day

Excuse to drink: ‘Cause fuck cancer in its stupid face!

November 11

Veterans Day

Excuse to drink: Drink to the soldiers not to the politics.

November 12

National Pizza with the Works Day

Excuse to drink: Because Pizza!

November 13

World Kindness Day

Excuse to drink: Buy a shot for a stranger and explain why you did it. This will hopefully start a shot chain that will work its way around the bar.

November 14

National Guacamole Day

Excuse to drink: I don’t always drink Dos Equis, but I do on National Guacamole Day.

November 15

I Love to Write Day

Excuse to drink: Sit down with a blank piece of paper, a pen, and a scotch. See what comes out.

November 16

International Day for Tolerance

Excuse to drink: Because it will increase your alcohol tolerance.

November 17

Take A Hike Day

Excuse to drink: The days are getting shorter and the nights are getting longer. Grab your wife, your dog, and your flask before hitting the trails.

November 18

William Tell Day

Excuse to drink: Take a shot of Apple flavored booze off someone’s head. It may sound silly but it is a hell of a lot safer than shooting an apple off your son’s head with an arrow.

November 19

Carbonated Beverage with Caffeine Day

Excuse to drink: Rum and Coke anyone!

November 20

Universal Children’s Day

Excuse to drink: Celebrate the wonderful children in your life and drink away the headache they give you.

November 21

World Television Day

Excuse to drink: Without Television how would you know what brand of booze you should be drinking.

November 22

Stop the Violence Day

Excuse to drink: Celebrate this global movement to end violence against women and girls.

Borrowed From Here

November 23

Buy Nothing Day

Excuse to drink: Stay home and drink!

November 24

National Espresso Day

Excuse to drink: Espresso and Baileys taste fantastic together.

November 25

National Parfait Day

Excuse to drink: Eat healthy in the morning so you can drink heavy in the evening.

November 26

Cake Day

Excuse to drink: When there is cake it is always a celebration!

November 27

National Day of Listening

Excuse to drink: Listening is always easier when your mouth is full.

November 28

Red Planet Day

Excuse to drink: Raise your glass towards the sky and drink one from our neighbor, Mars.

Borrowed From Here

November 29

Throw out the leftovers day

Excuse to drink: It is sad to see good food go to waste, make sure the leftover wine and beer does not meet the same fate. Drink up!

November 30

Computer Security Day

Excuse to drink: Before you being to make all of your online purchases for the upcoming holidays, crack open a bottle of something and take today to update all your virus protection and malware programs.

December 1

World AIDS Day

Excuse to drink: Drink in remembrance for all of those who have died by the dreaded hands of this disease.

December 2

Science Fiction Day

Excuse to drink: Science is awesome, but Science Fiction is that much better.

December 3

Make a Gift Day

Excuse to drink: Put your bartending hat on a make someone you like a drink. While you are at it, make another one for yourself.

December 4

Cookie Day

Excuse to drink: Cookies and Beer, cookies and beer, everybody loves cookies and beer.

December 5

National Commute With Your Baby Day

Excuse to drink: Because you were on the damn train with 100 moronic fledging parents that thought this holiday was a good idea.

December 6

Saint Nicholas Day

Excuse to drink: Celebrate Christmas early by rejoicing in the name of Good Ol’ St. Nick. Yea, that’s right St. Nick, like Santa Claus and shit.

December 7

Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day

Excuse to drink: In memory of this tragic day.

December 8

Brownie Day

Excuse to drink: Brownies are denser than cake yet softer than cookies, they are really the best dessert out there.

Borrowed From Here

December 9

Christmas Card Day

Excuse to drink: Sit home crack a bottle of wine with the significant other and put stamps and addresses on 100 envelopes.

December 10

National Lager Day

Excuse to drink: Lager is a beer, this day is for beer!

December 11

International Mountain Day

Excuse to drink: Go climb a mountain, if you can’t climb a rock, and if you can’t do that walk up hill, then go to the bar and celebrate Mountain Day.

December 12

Gingerbread House Day

Excuse to drink: Nothing goes better with building a Gingerbread house than a glass of spiked nog.

December 13

National Cocoa Day

Excuse to drink: Make some Hot Cocoa for you and your Beau and sit next to the fire. The Cocoa should of course have whiskey in it.

December 14

Monkey Day

Excuse to drink: Whether you are celebrating The Monkeys of the furry primate variety or the Band, they are both really freaking cool and should be honored.

Borrowed From Here

December 15

Bill of Rights Day

Excuse to drink: Drink because it is your right!

December 16

National Chocolate Covered Anything Day

Excuse to drink: Because come on, who does not love anything covered in chocolate.

December 17

Saturnalia

Excuse to drink: This is a roman holiday and if any culture knew a thing or two about Hedonism it sure was the Romans! It is basically Roman Era Christmas.

December 18

Wear A Plunger On Your Head Day

Excuse to drink: You will probably need a few drinks under your belt for this one.

Borrowed From Here

December 19

Oatmeal Muffin Day

Excuse to drink: What a crappy holiday! Drink!

December 20

Go Caroling Day

Excuse to drink: Here we come a-wassailing, among the leaves so green. Here we come a-wand’ring, so drunk to be seen.

December 21

Winter Solstice

Excuse to drink: It is the shortest day of the year, that means you can drink well into the night.

December 22

National Date-Nut Bread Day

Excuse to Drink: Wash down some nut bread with some nice stiff nog.

December 23

Festivus

Excuse to drink: It is a Festivus for the Rest of us.

Borrowed From Here

December 24

Christmas Eve

Excuse to drink: Santa is COMING!

December 25

Christmas

Excuse to drink: SANTA IS HERE!!!

December 26

Boxing Day

Excuse to drink: It’s like Christmas only British and Weird.

December 27

Holocaust Remembrance Day

Excuse to drink: To forget history is to invite a tragic reoccurrence.

December 28

Card Playing Day

Excuse to drink: Might I suggest a rousing game of Cards Against Humanity and a few pints at your favorite watering hole.

Borrowed From Here

December 29

No Interruptions Day

Excuse to drink: Do not interrupt my drinking!

December 30

Relaxation Day

Excuse to drink: Relax with a drink or two and get ready for New Year’s Eve!

December 31

New Year’s Eve

Excuse to drink: IT IS A CELEBRATION BITCHES!

Borrowed From Here

Posted by

The Blue Collar Foodie

Posted on

February 27, 2014

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Date Night at Tierney’s Copperhouse FTW!

To me the phrase “back in the day” used to be something that old people said when they were talking about 8-tracks, Blockbuster Video Stores, and a world without craft beer, ::Gasp:: Relax, craft beer is here now, and most likely will remain for a reasonably long time, so there is no reason to hyperventilate. Nowadays though I find myself using that idiom quite often, in fact I am about to use it right now. Ready, wait for it… wait for it…

Back in the day, when I was in high school, a double date meant a trip to the mall in my mom’s mini-van with my girlfriend and another couple. We ate the most economical food we could find at the food court, smoked cigarettes outside entrance 1 while foot bagging, and went to the movies to watch whatever sappy rom-com was starring John Cusack. A little less father back in the day, during our college years our double dates consisted of us trying to cook a gourmet meal with Ramen noodles, a half bag of stale stolen dining hall cereal, and 1 ¼ boxes of wine, while we waited for a deep intellectual movie to download on Napster, so we could watch it and discuss why the world was broken.

Unlike the disgruntled old timers that believe that everything was better back in their day, I have no delusions about what era that I enjoy the most. Sure I occasionally long for the days when I was in High School and my biggest problem was the pimple on my nose and the upcoming football game. Furthermore, who doesn’t miss their college days where they worked part-time at a retail job so they could afford a few 30 racks of PBR and a carton of Marlboros for the week while they spent the rest of their time waxing poetic about the fascist government’s capitalistic ways?

Sure some aspects of those archaic times were decent, but as explained above a double date was not one of them. Today, as Mikey from the Goonies would say, it is our time! Sure date nights might take a little extra planning now in order to work around everyone’s crazy schedule, but they are leaps and bounds above their predecessors. A normal double date for Kat and I consists of a pre-game get together at someone’s house to have a craft beer or two to start night off, then we travel to a restaurant that would make my college-self die from a foodgasm, followed by a night at The Twisted Elm or some such Gastro Pub that serves craft beer that would make Eberhard Anheuser and Adolphus Busch give each other atomic wedgies for daring to allow the swill that they once canned to be in the same category of alcoholic beverage.

Recently, Kat and I were able to find an open Saturday evening that somehow worked for not only us but another foodie couple that we often dine with, Kristen and Brian. After some hemming, hawing, and flip-flopping at a rate that has not ever been seen outside of Washington D.C., we all decided that the epicurean aspect of our date night would take us to Tierney’s Copperhouse located at 4 Little Falls Road in Fairfield, NJ 07004. Might I add, that this was a better decision than anyone has made in our government since the Thirteen Colonies declared our independence.The night we chose to meet for dinner, Mother Nature decided to test our testicular fortitude and dropped a few inches of snow on the ground a few hours before we were supposed to arrive. Well Mother Nature apparently does not understand that we take our food quite seriously, and we are from New Jersey, not Atlanta, so it was going to take a Tony Montana sized mountain of white powdery stuff to cancel our plans!

After sloshing and sliding our way to Tierney’s, we rushed inside to gain shelter from the blustery conditions. It may have been colder than Hoth outside but as soon as we entered the Copperhouse, the chill of the evening was merely a memory as we were greeted by a smiling hostess who brought us to our table. To add to the inviting warmth, there were two roaring fireplaces creating not only the perfect contrasting temperature but setting a wonderful mood for the guests of Tierney’s Copperhouse.

Slowly but surely the cold melted from our bodies as the snow melted from our shoes and within seconds of sitting down we were warm and ready to enjoy our stay. We were greeted at our table and handed the menus for the evening. After welcoming us once again, he asked if we would like to order drinks, which of course was answered with a resounding YES. Which may have been too loud, but it was snowing, we were cold (ish), and it had been a long day!

Upon inspection of the adult beverage section of the menu, I could tell right away that Tierney’s Copperhouse knew that Gastronauts like the Beastie Boys like their girls, CRAFTY! (See what I did there?) I am not only talking about their beer selection either, I am talking about their imaginative signature cocktails and their extensive wine list. Fear not my Oenophobic friends, the waiter will guide you towards a wine of your liking, all you need to do is click your heels together three times and say…, wait, that is not right, just ask; they will help.

With our drink orders in, we turned our attention to the most vital part of the evening, the ordering of our fare. Due to the diversity of the menu, we began discussing all the different options that tickled our fancy. When our drinks arrived, our waiter informed us of the specials which he stated rotate on a weekly basis and told us that whenever possible Tierney’s uses locally sourced organic ingredients in the preparation of their food. This information was greatly appreciated, although the addition of the specials only added to the challenge of choosing a meal.

As we took the first sip of our well-deserved, delicious, beverages, we dove deeper into the menu which brought on some discussion about the possible options of both our main courses and the shared appetizer. With our minds made up and our bellies growling, we signaled the waiter that we were ready and rattled off an order that would make Charles Darwin jealous. That’s right Mr. Darwin was a foodie, and he would have loved our meal; therefore by extension, Mr. Blue Footed Booby himself would like the hell out of Tierney’s Copperhouse on Facebook! By the way, you should too!

After some light conversation and more than a few chuckles, our first course arrived at the table. We had decided on the Tierney’s Copperhouse exclusive Pot Roast Nachos. These, flavorful, house made tortilla chips were topped with a generous portion of Pot Roast, roasted corn salsa, and a tangy chipotle aioli. The best part was that they were individual chips stacked with the perfect helping of yumminess. As a minor germaphobe, sharing a plate of nachos with even good friends makes me slightly uncomfortable and not to mention that most nacho appetizers are large enough to feed a small village, and therefore ruin anyone’s appetite before their meal even arrives. So, I was happily surprised when these single serving sized nachos arrived, and then I went from surprised to in love with one bite. These delectable, crunchy, zesty, and flat out scrumptious nachos are a must-try for anyone who comes to the Copperhouse.

Shortly after the last bite of my nacho that I will have slightly inappropriate dreams about in the future, our entrees arrived at the table. After a pretty serious internal debate, I decided on the rack of lamb with horseradish mashed potatoes, cipollini onions, topped off with a balsamic reduction. The smell of this dish was intoxicating, and only quelled by the taste. Each component of this dish was extremely appetizing by itself, but when combined, they created a culinary Balrog that only Chef Gandalf could defeat.

Kat decided that ordering a special was the way to go and chose the Stuffed Eggplant, which was bursting with zucchini, squash, fresh mozzarella, and topped off with a roasted red pepper coulis. This dish so artistically plated that Kat did not want to eat it at first, in order to preserve its beauty. However once she tasted it, she threw caution to the wind and devoured every last morsel. If the Mona Lisa tasted as good as this dish, it would not be hanging in the Louvre, it would be in Leonardo da Vinci’s belly!

Brian has sunk his teeth into a Tierney’s steak once before, so he knew just how amazing they were before we embarked on this culinary escapade, and although several items on the menu tempted him, he could not force himself to stray. I understood why, I too have fallen under the spell of the Tierney’s meaty goodness, and so his selection of the 14 oz Filet on the Bone was no surprise. Like always, this steak was flawlessly prepared as he requested and joined with luscious mashed potatoes and vegetables. Take my advice, if you go to Tierney’s only once in your life, make sure that you at least try a small slice of this heaven. I assure you if you do, it will not be the last time you are within the confines of the Copperhouse.

Last, but certainly not least Kristen opted to dine on the Tierney’s Burger which is paired with Gruyere cheese and caramelized onions before being placed on a Kaiser roll. I know it sounds slightly silly to go to a restaurant such as Tierney’s and order a run of the mill hamburger, but truth be told, Tierney’s is actually very well known for their hamburger. Furthermore, I feel that hamburgers are viewed undeservedly as the red headed step child of the meat community. These patties of deliciousness are only looked down upon because no one ever orders them at a restaurant such as Tierney’s that will do them justice. I feel we should look at Kristen as a pioneer of food rights and recognize that she was willing to stand up for the lowly hamburger when the McDonald’s of the world are trying to beat them down, one dry dollar menu hockey puck at a time. One day Kristen, Hamburgers everywhere will rejoice in song on your birthday, shortly before being consumed by foodies all across this planet!

We all thoroughly enjoyed our meals and since it was date night we decided to tempt ourselves by taking a gander at the dessert menu. The first item on the menu, the Apple Doughnut, described as two apple doughnuts covered in a maple bacon glaze served with vanilla ice cream, made it impossible to say no. So we followed the age old phrase, “go big or go home,” and ordered one of those paired with the Peanut Butter Souffle which was described as infused chocolate cake oozing with house made peanut butter served with vanilla ice cream.

I don’t know which one of these desserts was better, but I can tell you that my life got a little better after I ate them. The Apple Doughnut had chunks of smokey bacon sitting on top the fresh made doughy delight which was chock full of actual apple bits. I thought there was no way that any sweat treat could possibly contend with this champion of desserts, but then the Peanut Butter Souffle kicked me square in the taste buds with its salty and sweet combination of gooey yumminess. I am sure their other desserts are good, but I think we made the right choice here, calorie counting be damned!

If you read the article above or even just looked at the food porn that I provided, you can tell that Tierney’s Copperhouse is slinging slamming modern American food to its customers on a daily basis. I highly recommend that you venture to this relatively new, established in 2012, eatery and let your inner foodie go wild.

Posted by

The Blue Collar Foodie

Posted on

October 11, 2013

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Orale Mexican Kitchen Makes The Blue Collar Foodie Say OMG!!!

As a wandering gourmand, my passion for the epicurean spirit has led me to establishments near and far. I have always said that good food is worth traveling for, and I have been known to embark on a gastronomic voyage, simply because of a fellow foodie’s recommendation. These adventures have brought me to places that I still dream about today and conversely these excursions have been responsible for numerous night terrors.

I thoroughly enjoy the anticipation of driving to a restaurant that I have never been to before. There is a certain Schrödinger’s cat like perception, because as I am in transit the restaurant is both bad and good. This is why I continue doing this wild and crazy hobby turned damn near full time job, that and of course, I freaking love food like Kayne West loves being a douche.

With that said, after hearing some great things about a relatively new restaurant located at 341 Grove Street in Jersey City called Orale Mexican Kitchen, Kat and I decided to leave our comfort zone of Bergen County and head to Hudson County to give Orale a whirl. As stated above, I will travel for food, and even though Jersey City is not far, I rarely find myself in that neck of the woods, but if the internets were not lying, Orale was a must hit eatery in the ever evolving Jersey City Foodie Scene.

Not sure what to expect as we fought our way through traffic to make our 7:30 reservation, we decided to peruse the menu. While we did the New Jersey traffic dance which consists of accelerating to 75 miles an hour, braking the instant you get to a good cruising speed, traveling at 4.5 miles an hour, honking at the idiot that is texting and changing lanes without using his signal, dropping several F-bombs, throwing up so many hand signs that everyone around you thinks you are in the bloods, and then accelerating once again to 75 miles an hour only to rinse and repeat, Kat and I realized that Orale was not your typical taco joint.

First off, Orale’s menu is based on the following principle, “It is our belief that the best meals are those that are shared. It is in the passing of plates amongst friends and the communal savoring of multiple small-bite dishes that the true spirit of our cuisine resides. All items will arrive at the table as they are prepared.” Meaning that Orale Mexican Kitchen is all about the shared experience that food can convey to a table of friends. This pseudo communistic outlook on eating a meal is making a comeback as more and more people begin to embrace the epicurean sub-culture, because it allows everyone that is involved to experience more than just one of the chef’s culinary creations.

Furthermore, as we participated in our New Jersey Highway Hoedown, we noticed that the food that Orale was offering was not your ordinary Mexican fare either. Since I enjoy living, Kat read the menu to me because if texting while driving is dangerous, menu reading while bobbing and weaving through rush hour traffic is about as safe as jumping into a car with Lindsay Lohan after a night of twerking and pill popping. Every dish that Kat verbalized made me want to commandeer a police car and head to Orale with the lights and sirens blaring. Menu items like Crispy Braised Pork Belly Guacamole, Roasted Bone Marrow Tacos, and Empanadas Made with Green Masa Filled with Shrimp, Cilantro, Chipotle and Lime were just some of the highlights of the extensive menu that Orale Mexican Kitchen offers on a regular basis.

When we arrived, Kat and I were lucky to find a parking spot within walking distance of Orale, and we headed to our dinner destination. As we entered the dining area, I fell in love with the décor. From the brick walls, to the graffiti that adorned them, the entire restaurant gave off an excellent modern vibe that was a welcomed change to the hum drum atmosphere that some restaurants create within their walls.

As soon as we were seated, we were met at our table by Christian, our server who discussed the extensive cocktail and food menu with us. Christian’s knowledge of what Orale served was extremely helpful and he guided us as we perused the menu. Thanks to his expert suggestions, I decided to go with a classic yet always refreshing Margarita while Kat set her sights on the White Wine Sangria.

Once our beverage order was in, Kat and I turned our attention to the food menu which we had already engaged in some serious foodie foreplay with in the car. Thanks to our traffic induced tryst with this drool inducing carte du jour, we already had a vague idea of what we wanted to sample at our first visit to Orale Mexican Kitchen. With a few more glances at the menu, we had made up our minds and as soon as our drinks arrived, we were able to place our food order.

For our appetizer, we decided on the Trio of Guacamole which allowed us to choose three different guacamoles to sample. We chose the Casa, or house, the Chipotle, and the Crispy Pork Belly. As for our entrees, Kat being a taco fanatic decided to try the Chicken Tacos that were described as Shredded Chicken Tinga Topped with Soy Pickled Serrano Chiles & Yellow Tomato Pico, whereas I chose the Bone in Lamb Ribs with a Tamarind Chili Glaze paired with a Jicama Slaw and Sweet & Spicy Butternut Squash.

After ordering our food, it was time to taste the beautiful cocktails that were brought to our table. Kat’s white sangria was topped with fresh fruit and tasted remarkable. The flavor of the fruit was apparent but not overbearing allowing the wine to still be the star of the drink. My Elite Margarita was appropriately named as it was one of the best margaritas I had tasted in quite some time. It walked a fine line between refreshing and strong while delivering a tremendous flavor.

It was not long after we ordered our meals that our trio of Guacamole arrived at our table. As I took picture after picture of this culinary masterpiece, I could feel Kat’s glare, burning a hole in my forehead. Kat is normally a very patient person when it comes to my overzealous food photography but standing in between Kat and fresh Guacamole is tantamount to stealing a polar bear’s baby and then taunting the mother by making the new born cub do the Cha-Cha Slide instead of running for your life.

After all the photographs were taken, we dipped a chip into each of the guacamoles before we discussed any of them. We then compared and contrasted these delicious concoctions like Bill Belicheck dissects film on a Monday morning. What we came up with is that each of the varieties we chose was good in its own right. The house guacamole had the perfect texture and for the traditionalist, it was the perfect guac. The chipotle was basically the house guacamole with just the right amount of kick that would satisfy the spice seeking guacamole lover. Then there was the extremely impressive Crispy Pork Belly guacamole that literally made me sound like a porn star upon first bite, due to the unintentional moan that I released. The salty crunch of the pork belly combined with the subtle yet flavorful guacamole achieved in my opinion guacamole Nirvana.

To top it off, the Trio of guacamole was served with house made sauces that took these wonderful creations to a whole other level of scrumptiousness. These sauces were once again described by the knowledgeable Christian, and we began to experiment with them. All three of the sauces were fantastic when paired with the guacamole singularly, but as if I were Bill Nye the Foodie Guy, I did not stop there. We continued this hedonistic food experiment by mixing the sauces together. After we tasted two of the sauces together, we decided we were going to be forced to move to Utah and become sauce polygamists, that is until we tried all three combined with the guacamole on a chip, and realized that we were actually going to have to move to Texas and create a sauce cult.

While we finished off our amazing appetizer, we did what every couple that is out to dinner does, discuss the finer points of our crappy day and how much the food we were eating was doing to make it better. During our conversation, we noticed something spectacular about Orale. There was enough music to drowned out the hustle and bustle of a busy restaurant but not too much to stifle conversations. I have been to way to many “hip” eateries that pump in music at an obnoxious level forcing their patrons to yell at each other like Howard Wolowitz and his Mother, and I was extremely happy with Orale’s decision to not give into this annoying trend.

Once we were done hating on our day like Grumpy Cat hates on this Smiley Cat Compilation, our entrees arrived. Both plates appeared to be two parts food and one part art, thanks to the dutiful and noticeable attention the chef paid to presentation. With a small sense of guilt as if I was drawing on the Mona Lisa with a crayon, I cut into my Lamb Ribs, and I was amazed at how tender the meat really was. My knife fell through the meat, as if it was a Honey Badger’s claws ripping through, well let’s be honest anything that is not a honey badger.

These Lamb Ribs were not only tender and juicy, but they tasted incredible. I was slightly nervous when I ordered this dish that the gaminess of the Lamb would be too strong but that was not the case. I was informed that they marinade these fantastic bone-in ribs in yogurt in order to extract most of the gaminess before applying the tamarind sauce that paired perfectly with the lambey goodness.

After tasting the lamb ribs, I was under the impression that the side dishes of this meal would be nothing more than an afterthought, but I was dead wrong. The sweet & spicy butternut squash was the most remarkable seasonal side dish I have ever had, and I am a huge fall food fan. The duality of this dish was expertly created by the chef, and I could have eaten a bucket full of this brilliant vegetable side.

After tasting each portion of my meal, I assure you that I was skeptical to share even one morsel of it with Kat, but when in Rome right. I followed the Orale Mexican Kitchen’s guide to karmatic communal food sharing, and I was met with a welcomed dose of instant karma, of the rare good variety. Upon taking my first bite, I could not hold back a smile. These mini-tacos may have been small in size but they packed a mighty flavor punch. Not to mention Kat decided to follow the Boy Scout motto and saved some of the guacamole to pair with her tacos which only added to the awesome sauce that these tacos were pouring all over me. (TWSS) Furthermore, Kat’s chicken taco dish was designed for sharing as it came with six mini taco shells stuffed with yummy goodness.

As we finished our meal, we made the fatal mistake of glancing at the dessert menu, and even though we were absolutely full, we simply could not pass up the opportunity to try the Helados Domingo described as Vanilla & Chocolate Ice Cream, Cajeta, Chocolate Sauce, Crumbled Cookies, and Caramelized Bananas. If an alcoholic, nicotine addict first tasted this dessert and was then given the option to give up booze and cancer sticks or the Helados Domingo for the rest of their life, 99 out of 100 of them would choose to give up the former as opposed to the latter. Yea, it is that kind of good. Don’t believe me, I guess you will have to bring your ass to Jersey City and try it yourself; careful though, just like cigarettes and heroin, it is habit forming.

I know this review was rather verbose and if you made it this far, you deserve a Helados Domingo, but when I walk into a restaurant that gets it like Orale gets it; I can’t help but sing its praises. But believe me, you do not want to hear me sing, I sound like an auto tuned cat in heat participating in a duet with Justin Beiber, so instead of singing, I will use the clickity clack of my keyboard and the vastness of the world wide web to get my message out. After reading this review that message should be clear, Orale Mexican Kitchen is a must try establishment for anyone that fancies themselves to be a food connoisseur.

Posted by

The Blue Collar Foodie

Posted on

September 26, 2013

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Review

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Eat, Drink, and Be Merry At The Twisted Elm, All Before Noon!

Sometimes it is difficult to be a foodie and not lose some man points from time to time. I occasionally find myself choosing to attend a wine tasting instead of a bar crawl or missing out on a trip to the ball park due to a restaurant opening. Most of the time I try to blame Kat for these somewhat less than blue collar decisions in order to make sure that my man card is not revoked or suspended. With that said, there is one thing in the foodie culture that I feel gets a bad reputation for being pompous, pretentious, and damn near douche, and that is Brunch.

Shenanigans I say to every red blooded American male that scoffs at brunch as if it was high tea with a side of ballet. I have heard this argument far too many times from my blue collar brethren, and I can no longer sit in silence while the best meal of the week gets discriminated against by ill-informed scallywags that think a scone is that fancy thing on the wall that holds a light bulb.

Relax, The Blue Collar Foodie did not go soft, I am not going to have to change my website to www.thewhitecollarnancy.com. I am just trying to preach the Gospel of Brunch, as if I was Matthew, and Bacon was Jesus. That is right people, brunch equals bacon, and if you can’t get behind that type of algebra then we simply can no longer be friends. I am serious, I will wait, go to Facebook.com right now and unfriend me because if you hate swine, you can’t be a friend of mine!

If that simple equation does not change your mind about brunch, I would like to formally invite you to the advanced brunch symposium that The Twisted Elm, located at 435 River Drive in Elmwood Park, NJ, holds every Sunday from 11:30 A.M. to 2:30 P.M where you will be schooled in Brunchology. Your first lesson is as follows; Twisted Brunch=Bacon + Booze! Solve for stop talking junk about brunch and get your arse to the Twisted Elm.

That is right the Twisted Elm, this food critics’ favorite Gastro Pub is serving brunch and just like everything else I have ever eaten there, they did not disappoint. First off, just for walking in the door and choosing to allow the Twisted Elm to blow your taste buds out of the back of your skull, they will give you a complimentary brunch cocktail of your choice; a Bloody Mary, Mimosa, Bellini, or a Screwdriver. If a free drink is not enough to entice you to venture over to the Elm, they also will provide your table with a basket of assorted breakfast muffins complete with a berry butter that will make you want to slap your mother for serving you that bland salty stick of non-sense that you once thought was butter, but now will only refer to as “I damn well know it is not Berry Butter!”

Just in case you are not yet convinced that Brunch is as manly as eating a steak off the bone sans utensils while shooting a shotgun on a construction site from behind the wheel of a monster truck, let’s talk food! The Twisted Elm is not about to serve just any old fare to their Brunch clientele, much like the other food that is served at this establishment, they add their own twist. See what I did there? Twist… Twisted… Suffice it to say, this is not your grandma’s brunch menu. With dishes that inspire foodgasms like the Huevos Rancheros, Fried Chicken and Bacon Waffles, Irish Eggs Benedict, and Shrimp & Grits, The Twisted Elm is taking brunch to a whole new level, and I am all about it.

On my most recent visit to The Elm, Kat and I could not decide what we should get so we decided to order two items that piqued our interest, and we would share them. I decided that the Chicken and Bacon waffles needed to be in my belly, and Kat, being the pizza addict that she is, found the Sausage and Egg Brunch Pizza to be quite intriguing. While the rest of our group ordered, visions of Bacon Waffles danced in my head, and I was ecstatic. With our orders on their way, there was only one thing left to do, imbibe our brunch intoxicants and discuss our love for having an excuse to drink at 11:30 A.M. on a Sunday. Oh, and adjust our fantasy football rosters of course.

Soon our food was delivered to our table and as it arrived, I was happy that we had just got finished running the Elmwood Park Chamber of Commerce 2^nd Annual 5K Run-Walk, because the first thing I noticed was that the portion sizes were amazing. I am not talking slightly larger than I was expecting, I am talking, so big that Roseanne Barr and Chris Christie would have a hard time finishing these wonderfully indulgent plates of yumminess. Within seconds, I was no longer intimated by the magnitude of my meal, but rather I was captivated by the notion that I would get to eat every last bite of the food that was being placed in front of me, because it was at that moment that the tantalizing aroma of this deviousness made its way to my olfactory senses.

I fiercely fought the urge to rip into my food with the tenacity of a caveman before everyone’s plate was in front of them, and I had taken all the necessary photos. After a well fought battle, I was able to cut a piece of chicken, stab a small section of waffles, and dip both of these magical morsels into the Blueberry agave maple syrup that is served with this dish. That forkful of food is what Willis was talking about, why Ferris Bueller really took a day off, and the only thing in this Universe that Ron Burgundy loves more than Scotch. The combination of the crispy savory skin, the tremendously moist meat, the soft baconey waffle, and the sweet syrupy goodness made my knees buckle worse than Robert Griffin III this season when any defensive player gets within 5 feet of him.

I was slightly depressed that I had made, what Kat declared as “a legally binding agreement that could potentially lead to divorce if broken” once she saw my meal. That is until I tasted her Brunch Pizza which apparently was made of anti-depressants and flavor grenades. I was worried that the eggs and sausage would not mix properly on top of a pizza crust, but my apprehension was pointless because this pie was a marriage made in foodie heaven. The fact that the sausage was breakfast style instead of Italian added the perfect amount of tanginess to subtleness of the eggs and cheese. It also helped that this astounding pizza was cooked to precision in a brick oven causing the crust to be crispy and light.

While Kat and I were demolishing our meals, our friends were busy inhaling theirs. They informed us that the Shrimp and Grits and The Irish Eggs Benedict were both worthy of a test next time around. Meanwhile, we all were very happy with our complementary cocktails that were expertly blended and, as always at the Elm, top notch.

Just to reiterate my point, brunch is not some mamby pamby meal that is only for old ladies and rich folk, at least not at the Twisted Elm that is. Their behemoth portions, fantastic cocktails, and foodie inspired dishes unite every Sunday to create the perfect pre-kickoff man date that you have been waiting for. Instead of losing a man point every time I go to Brunch, I postulate that every Sunday that you are not at the Twisted Elm for Brunch you lose 2 man points, starting now!

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September 11, 2013

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Bacon Fest 2013

If there was a town called Baconville, I would be the Mayor; if there was a Baconland, I would be the ambassador; and if there was a Bacon Church, I would be the fracking Pope O’Pork. What I am trying to say is that I like; no, love bacon, like the interwebs loves cats, the Kardashians love attention, and Jim Jones apparently loves Julius Caesar. It is this obsession for all things salty and cured that gave birth to my annual Bacon Fest Celebration, which Kat and I host for all of our friends who are swine inclined.

Jim Jones’ Giant Julius Caesar Head!

Bacon Fest is one part food competition and two parts all out, bacon celebration. Each year we gather between 13 and 16 foodies who love to cook and ask them to let their imaginations run wild, the only rule is that the star of their dish must be Bacon! This once small gathering has been growing each and every year and this year. This year it became obvious that I could no longer host it at my house, so we decided to upgrade to a hall.

The Creed Of Bacon Fest

After calling around to several local halls for rent, we found that it was quite difficult to acquire a hall that would allow you to utilize their kitchen. That is until we stumbled upon the Ridgewood Elks Club, located at 111, North Maple Ave., in Ridgewood, NJ. The Ridgewood Elks club had everything our bacon soirée could possibly need, a large main room, tables, chairs, a deluxe industrial kitchen, and a very reasonable price tag. They also had a cash bar so our guests could wet their whistle in between courses, named the Jolly Cork.

The Ridgewood Elks Club

Once the hall was booked and the invites went out, my next challenge was to decide what I would concoct as my entry to this year’s contest. The competition for Bacon Fest has been increasing exponentially with each iteration. What began at first as a friendly rivalry has evolved into a passionate tournament that would make Tyler Durden proud.

I originally created an entry in my head that I was generally content with, but I knew I could do better. I racked my brain, spending damn-near every waking hour thinking about how I could improve my dish for what has become the Academy Awards of salty meat. That is until one fateful night when I got a little tipsy and passed out while visions of bacon fairies still danced in my head. I only slept for about an hour that night, because I was awoken from my restless slumber after tasting the most amazing baconey goodness that had ever crossed the threshold of my lips.

Counting Pigs Instead of Sheep!

Still groggy and now all worked up on dream bacon, I grabbed my smart phone and began researching, like I had never researched before. My thumbs were moving a mile a minute, it was as if St. Anthony, the patron saint of bacon and the namesake of the Bacon Fest Cup, himself had possessed my fingers and they were doing his bidding. After an hour of zealous obsession, my bacon fantasy had come to fruition. I returned to my slumber counting pigs one by one that evening, knowing that I was well prepared for this year’s pork laden prizefight.

Me As The Bacon Pope!

On the day of the event, each cook was issued a number designation and a time slot when they would present their dish to the judges. Each dish would be explained to the lucky people that were chosen at random and then judged based on Taste, Presentation, and Originality. As time ticked by the anticipation of the salty and savory war that was about to be waged on the culinary battlefield began to increase. Slowly but surely you could feel the tension in the kitchen as the cooks were doing their final preparations.

The following was the artery-clogging lineup that rocked Bacon Fest 2013, in the order that they were presented:

Sweet Potato And Bacon Lettuce Wrap with Yogurt Dill Sauce Presented by Stephanie Bates.

Sueyy-shi: Loaded mashed potatoes wrapped in bacon, dressed with BBQ sauce, and bacon skillet spread. Presented by Dave Michaels and Allie Maurer.

Bacon Maple Popcorn Presented by Jennifer Sellers

Apple-Bacon Empanada with dried cherries, mascarpone, and Apple-Bacon Caramel Presented by Keith Shatsoff and Bryan Barnhart.

Bacon Cassoulet: Medley of bacon, beans, and pancetta prepared in a traditional cassoulet in bacon cups. Presented by Tyler Hutchinson and Sara Toth

Bracon Bad: Bacon Confit Brulee with Fring’s Blue. Presented by Tyler and Jessica Ochs.

The Heaven Hog: Mozzarella, Spinach, and Bacon Pork Tenderloin. Presented by Timothy Hurwitz and Michael Pindilli.

Belly Up Roll: Braised Pork Belly and Avocado Sushi Roll with a bacon maple chutney. Presented by Michael and Katherine Arp

Candy Bacon Chocolate Brownie with Jameson Caramel Sauce topped with candy bacon. Presented by Kevin and Kimberly Feehan.

Dude Food Magic Bars: Dessert Bar with pretzels, potato chips, chocolate, peanut butter and Bacon Presented by Brian Massey and Kristen Dyak.

Bacon Mac and Cheese with Spiced Bacon Twists presented by Chris Buro.

Pork Star Ice Cream Cake Presented by Matthew Arp and Emily Holmgren.

Pancetta Meatballs in Joan’s homemade sauce Presented by Joan Perreca.

Clearly even though this was a competition and there was a winner declared, the judges were the actual victors in this epicurean struggle because they got to eat the above mentioned food. Granted the cooks were also judges, so I guess we all won, but this ain’t some new age hippy dippie coed baseball league where there is no score kept, and everyone wins ribbons for participation. This is Bacon Wars!

The Cup of St. Anthony

The reason all the cooks wake up at 6:00 A.M. on the morning of Bacon Fest and shovel their own money into their dish, is to the have the honor of taking home the Cup of Saint Anthony! The Cup of St. Anthony is similar to Lord Stanley’s Cup, only it is better, because people actually care who wins this cup. (Hockey Burn!) Whoever takes first place in Bacon Fest is granted the righteous reward of placing their name on the cup and displaying it at their house for an entire year.

In this culinary death match that lasted 2 hours and featured more bacon than most regular folks eat in a year, only one dish reigned supreme. Alas, it was not my dish this year, although I did take third place, with the Pork Star Ice Cream Cake taking second, and all of the dishes bowed down to the Apple-Bacon Empanada which made most people let out a louder moan of satisfaction than they do in their own bedrooms.

The Winner Dissected!

While baconey goodness followed baconey goodness in this divine swine parade, our guests were placing money in the donation jars that were being passed around and tickets in the raffle prize baskets. All the proceeds of Bacon Fest 2013 were donated to Eleventh Hour Rescue, a local animal rescue agency, which saved our own dog from a kill shelter and delivered her to our hearts.

Charity is fun!

All the raffle prizes were generously donated by some of the fantastic businesses that this Blue Collar Foodie frequents on a regular basis. I would like to take this time to give a shout out and some electronic love to these wonderful businesses that did not think twice to support this remarkable rescue agency through our event. These benevolent establishments and every single person that donated their hard earned money at our event have helped this rescue agency not only save the lives of animals but also connect them with their forever family.

Lilly Loves You For Supporting Eleventh Hour Rescue Almost As Much As She Loves Bacon!!!

These are not your standard, everyone be damned but me corporations; these are honest companies that are aware of their societal footprint and want to help their community. Please help me say thank you to these exceptional establishments by supporting them as they supported us.

Meatball Obsession: At Meatball Obsession®, it’s all about the meatball. That’s why we call it an obsession. We use the original, all-natural old-world Mancini family recipe and slow-cook it in pots. At Meatball Obsession we serve grandma’s beef, turkey and sausage meatballs in her Sunday Sauce. Our food is meant for people on the go so you can enjoy your meatballs in a cup with dipping bread or stuffed in a custom-made Italian pocket bread. We deliver too. – 1 Garden State Plaza, Paramus NJ 201-843-3888.

Twisted Elm: Twisted Elm is a gastropub in Northern NJ. We are a casual, pub-style restaurant with an award-winning chef in the kitchen and a fun, relaxed atmosphere at the bar. Our creative menu is prepared using the finest local and seasonal ingredients, and we proudly serve delicious, naturally-made wines. We have hand-tossed brick oven pizzas – even for our gluten-free guests! Bringing the craft beer scene to Bergen County, we offer a rotating selection of the finest American and imported brews. – 435 River Dr. Elmwood Park, NJ 07407 (201) 791-3705

Baconery: Two ingredients that make everything taste like heaven in your mouth. Apart, these ingredients represent a delicious cornucopia of different tastes, but together they create an explosive flavor that is seldom rivaled in the food world. Everyone has talked about it. People have dreamed about it. Most were afraid to put them together. It’s a secret, twisted fantasy that everyone hides their love for. And now it’s a reality. Available Online and at their Brick and Mortar location at 911 Columbus Avenue, New York, New York (104 & 105th)

J&D’s: We’re Justin and Dave, and this is our improbable bacon-flavored story. Who are we? We’re just two regular guys who love grilling and football on Sunday afternoons, eating until we can’t get off the couch and of course, the taste of great bacon. And it’s our dream to make everything taste like bacon. Whether you’re a regular griller or a gourmet chef, are counting calories or are a vegetarian who craves mouth-watering bacon taste without the bacon guilt, this is what you’ve been waiting for.

The Swiss Pork Store: It’s a throwback, a dinosaur, a trip to the old country. In the same location since 1950, time has moved forward only on the other side of the door. Even the customers will tell you how long they’ve been coming here to shop.

A local legend of the original owners is that one of the two men who opened the place in 1950 was German, the other was Swiss. They were concerned about anti-German sentiment just after WWII, so they named the shop the Swiss Pork Store, with a wink and a smile. 24-10 Fair Lawn Avenue, Fair Lawn, New Jersey 07410

For those of you who did get the Breaking Bad Reference.

Photo Credit and many thanks to Evan Bindelglass!

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July 5, 2013

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Lions, Tigers, And Beer! Oh My! Thanks to Brew At The Zoo

As the pages of the calendar turn, and I get older, there are very few things that I do in my life that my five year old self would give me a high five for. You see, the high five is the greatest honor that a five year old boy can bestow upon a grown-up; it is tantamount to The Nobel Peace Prize in the adult world. This weekend I had the opportunity to attend an event that would make my former self happier than Martha Stewart was upon finding out about Paula Deen’s recent indiscretions, which allowed Ms. Stewart to no longer be most hated food celebrity in all the land. The event that I am referring to was none other than the Brew at the Zoo, which was held at the Turtle Back Zoo on June 29, 2013.

First off I feel I should explain to everyone who is reading this article what exactly the Brew at the Zoo is all about. I don’t know exactly how this fantastic idea was formulated but I imagine it went something like this. Some genius, the caliber of Einstein, Newton, and Cooper, yes Sheldon, and no I don’t care that he is fictional, was sitting alone in his home drinking a perfectly chilled craft beer while watching Nat Geo on his very large 3D television. It may have been all the thinking this intellectual was doing, or it could have been the drinking, but he slowly began to nod off. That is until; he was jarred from his slumber by a gigantic life-like 3D grizzly bear standing in the middle of his living room, causing Genius Mc. Drinksalot to soil himself and his Barcalounger. After cleaning himself off, he thought to himself that there is nothing more exhilarating than drinking with animals, and thus The Brew at the Zoo was created. Alright that story was completely made up and has no bearing in reality but every story needs a beginning so I used some creative license.

This event, which celebrated the Turtle Back Zoo’s 50^th anniversary, featured 25 notable Breweries serving more than 50 wonderfully tasty craft beers from all of the country. These brewers were scattered throughout the zoo itself allowing the patrons of this event to literally party with the animals while they sampled these delightful libations. I, along with the other guests were afforded the opportunity to taste hand crafted beers from the following breweries Weyerbacher, Brewery Ommegang, Kane Brewing, Founders Brewing, Cricket Hill Brewery, Climax Brewing , Carton Brewing, Captain Lawrence Brewing, Brooklyn Brewery, Butternuts Beer & Ale, Yards Brewing, River Horse, East Coast Beer Co., Victory Brewing, High Point Brewing, Sierra Nevada, Samuel Adams, Lagunitas Brewing, Ithaca Beer Co, Gaslight Brewery, Firestone Brewing, Brouweij Boon, Bolero Snort Brewery, Boaks, Rodenbach, Palm Breweries, 16 Mile Brewing, Angry Orchard, Crispin, Leinenkugel, Traveler Beer, Harpoon Brewery, Blue Point, Steven’s Point Brewery, and Blue Moon.

During the course of attempting to sample each and every one of these exceptional beers, the guests of this event were able to experience some of the exhibits the Turtle Back Zoo has to offer. A few of the majestic creatures that I got to drink with were Gibbons, Alligators, Otters, Tortoises, Snakes, and even the always overdressed African Penguins. To add to these outdoor exhibits the zoo also allowed visitors to enter the Touch Tank exhibit and pet the stingrays, which only got better as we visited more and more beer tables.

As the late great Billy Mays would say, but wait there’s more, The Brew at the Zoo was not only full of awe-inspiring animals and delicious beer. That is right, if the amount of shear awesomness at this event was not off the charts already; The Brew at the Zoo had more incredible tricks up its sleeve. Peppered throughout the park were food vendors serving alcohol absorbing edibles to all those who were in need. The Jerky Hut was handing out free samples as well as selling their salty and meatastic treats, The Gaslight Brewery and Restaurant were dishing out Moinks, meatballs wrapped in bacon, and Chicken wings, while The Cloverleaf Tavern was manning the gazebo spreading good cheer one amazing BBQ Pork Slider at a time.

The Devil Gourmet was even on scene supplying all the designated drivers with something sweet and refreshing to wet their whistle with while their counterparts drank themselves into a stupor. These non-alcoholic summer punches were an absolute hit with all the guests, even the ones that needed a short break from all the adult beverages they were imbibing during this event. The punches that were available courtesy of The Devil Gourmet included The Devil’s Not So Sinful Planter’s Punch, The Devil’s Arnie Palmer, Pucker Punch, and Sham-pagne. All the recipes for these fantastic virgin cocktails can be found on the Devil Gourmet’s website.

Adding to the Allure of the Devil Gourmet’s table were the tantalizing and sinfully decadent donut holes that were freshly made specifically for this event by the Montclair Bread Company. As word spread about these amazing fried balls of dough complete with a glaze made with Cricket Hill’s scrumptious Jersey Summer Breakfast Ale, they were devoured quicker than Artie Lang rocking a Ho-Ho.

To top it all off if eating, drinking, and being merry was not enough to make your evening enjoyable, The Brynn Stanley Jazz Band and The Wag performed throughout the event. The upbeat and lively performances by these local New Jersey artists gave the perfect excuse to relax a moment in the sun and enjoy your craft beer in style.

Whether you attended this event for the craft beer, the mouthwatering food, the delightful music, or the awesome animals, The Brew at the Zoo did not disappoint. Furthermore, a portion of the proceeds was donated directly back to the Zoo itself to help them continue their quest to educate and entertain the New Jersians that frequent this remarkable Zoo. Thanks to the tremendous people at the Garden State Brewfest and The Turtle Back Zoo that threw this wild shin dig, my five year old self would like to offer each and every one of you that attended this event the only honor that is higher than a high five, a double high five!

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June 20, 2013

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The Iron Horse Serves A Burger Unlike Any Other

As the days last longer and the sun gets warmer, my stomach forces my brain to envision wonderful afternoons spent in backyards whilst the wafting aroma of seared meats fills the air. The days of summer will soon be upon us, which means, hamburgers, hotdogs, and chicken that have been flame kissed to perfection will be as easy to procure as a joint at Snoop Dogg’s house. The problem is I suffer from a little known ailment referred to as Impatient Seasonal Cravitis, so I tend to get a hankering for certain seasonal food well before they are readily available. Okay so I made that word up, but it’s true I crave certain time sensitive cuisine worse than Paris Hilton pines for attention. Sometimes, unfortunately, due to time restraints or New Jersey’s finicky weather, I can’t as Paul Hogan would say, “light up the barbie.”

One of these climate related cravings that always seems to inflict me around this time of year is the good old fashioned American hamburger. But, since I am an intelligent Gastro scientist I keep an up to date foodie approved list of acceptable places to score a plump juicy summer puck inside my coconut at all times. At the very top of this directory of meaty goodness, lies an eatery that serves a hamburger so tantalizing that if the Hamburglar himself ate just one of them he would kick himself in the nards repeatedly for wasting the prime of his criminal career trying to steal the sorry excuse for a burger that the golden arches is peddling. This amazing restaurant is none other than The Iron Horse, located at 20 Washington Avenue, in Westwood, New Jersey.

First and foremost, I want to explain to everyone that The Iron Horse has a rather extensive menu that is sure to please any and all guests. In fact, I have never been disappointed with anything I have ever ordered and subsequently eaten there over the almost decade that I have been a customer. With that said, if you are an Iron Horse Virgin, you must order a Cheeseburger with Rail Road Fries, Cole Slaw, and Pickles on your first visit. If you don’t plan on doing this, you might as well stop reading this article now and go back to updating your Facebook status with meaningless memes that no one cares about.

Now that we understand each other, let me explain why the Iron Horse’s Hamburger is something special. The Iron Horse not only serves burgers that are fantastically fresh and constructed out of 100% pure ground beef, they stuff these delicious meat muffins with scrumptious gooey cheeses of all types. I know what you’re thinking Mr. Jaded Pretentious Foodie man, everyone does that, why do I have to go to the Iron Horse when I can go to, fill-in-the blank, restaurant for a cheese stuffed burger. To that sir, I say, you can get a steak at some gas stations but wouldn’t you want to go to a steakhouse instead. The Iron Horse has been stuffing burgers since most hipsters where stuffing their pampers, so they have mastered the art of creating these orbs of yummy on a bun. If you are looking for the best stuffed cheese burger you have had in your life, you need not go to some far off land, you only need to drive to The Iron Horse, and let them blow your mind.

The restaurant itself has an amazing hometown appeal that very few places are able to create. This ora of local pride that every chain restaurant that requires their employees to wear pieces of flare is yearning for, naturally flows from The Iron Horse without any effort at all. The reason that The Iron Horse exudes this rare vibe and the T.G.I.Fridays’ of the world simply cannot is that The Iron Horse follows Yoda’s wise rule, “Do, or do not, there is no try.” The Iron Horse seems like they have hometown pride because they do, and that is something you just can’t fake.

For over 30 years they have been serving the community of Westwood and now serve over 150,000 customers a year. This charmingly rustic eatery has ample seating and damn near spans an entire block of the downtown district. Their walls are adorned with pictures that create a visual timeline of not only their history, but the history of the neighborhood as well. Furthermore, every time I visit The Iron Horse the staff is always very welcoming and extremely courteous.

Last week my wife, Kat, and I decided to have dinner at The Iron Horse before attending a friend’s birthday party. Normally it takes me forever to choose something to eat but at The Iron Horse, it is usually pretty simple. You see, they offer a Burger of the Month special, and I am a sucker for specials. I feel that a special is always better than a regular menu item because every Tom, Dick, and Harry can order a normal dish, but I, Michael, The Blue Collar Foodie, get to have something that no one else in the world might ever taste again. I know, I know, the special is usually just the stuff they could not sell yesterday in most places, but like I said I am a sucker for specials. What do you want from me? At least I can admit it.

On this joyous occasion, the Burger of the Month was particularly enticing because just reading the description made me want to jump into bed with it. I ordered the Old Number 7, which was described as, a burger stuffed with Boar’s Head horseradish white cheddar cheese, topped with Jack Daniels BBQ short ribs on a toasted Ciabatta roll served with their famous Railroad Tie fries, all for only $12.99. Kat decided to remain somewhat healthy and went with the Turkey Burger, which was described as a ground turkey patty served on a giant toasted English Muffin with cranberry mayonnaise, lettuce, tomato, red onion, and of course Railroad Tie Fries for the low, low price of $11.99.

In addition to the plethora of menu options the Iron Horse offers, they also provide a large selection of libations to pair with their appetizing entrée. Their beer selection includes all the usual suspects you would expect an old school eatery to have, such as Budweiser, Coors, and Miller, but The Iron Horse also provides a small but impressive list of craft beer for the beer snobs of the world. If craft beer is not your cup of tea, and you prefer a nice Chianti with your Fava Beans or a Martini shaken not stirred, have no fear, The Iron Horse has you covered as well with a full service bar.

Before our meals came to the table we were given our complimentary Cole Slaw and pickle plates which are a tradition at The Iron Horse. If you ask any of the regular customers, and there are quite a few, they will attest that this is one of the best parts of venturing to The Iron Horse. The Cole Slaw has no chemical taste to it, like so many other Cole Slaws that are an after thought at restaurants all over this country. The pickles are top notch and taste as if they came right out of a Jewish Deli located somewhere in Brooklyn. These small but satisfying appetizer is the perfect companion to any of the meals that The Iron Horse will serve you and I highly recommend getting it every time you eat there.

When my Old Number 7 came to the table, I could have sworn I heard the angelic singing of a cherub. The utter appearance of this gluttonous, cheese filled, hamburger made me happier than TMZ gets when Lil Wayne does something ridiculously stupid. The first bite of any of The Iron Horse’s burgers causes every taste bud that exists in your mouth to stand at attention like a police recruit saluting the flag. With every subsequent bite, you mourn the loss of a little more of this gift from the heavens. If you have ever tried to make a stuffed burger, or ordered one from most of the places that attempt to serve them, you know that after the first bite the structural integrity of the burger is usually compromised. This unfortunate breach of the burger’s hull sadly will allow all the cheesy goodness that was once trapped inside its meaty shell, to flow freely onto your shirt and pants before emptying the rest of this delectable treat onto your plate, as you curse Newton and his stupid gravity. I believe the Iron Horse may have made a deal with the devil because their burger does not follow the conventional rules of physics and somehow through the use of this dark magic retains all of its cheesy goodness throughout the entire meal. Just in case you were wondering, I am still having dreams, mostly dry now, of this burger, due to the addition of the short ribs that sat on top of this epicurean masterpiece.

Kat was nice enough to allow me to try her Turkey Burger, and I have to say, even though it was not stuffed with anything, the cranberry mayonnaise was a phenomenal addition to, in my opinion, what is generally a mundane meal option anywhere you go. I also enjoyed the giant English Muffin that this juicy and flavorful Turkey burger called its home.

Both of our meals included the Iron Horse’s famous Railroad Tie Fries, which, in my opinion, are the perfect hamburger cohort. These fries are somewhere between steak fries and shoestring fries with just the right amount of potato covered in a crispy skin that adds just the right amount of texture. I always opt to dip them into a side of BBQ sauce to add a small amount of kick that brings these already outstanding fries to another level all together.

As stated before, The Iron Horse offers a wide variety of extremely tasty food, which I implore you to try… AFTER and only after you have a chance to chew on what I consider the best Hamburger in Bergen County, if not the State of New Jersey. Not only does the Iron Horse serve up remarkable food at reasonable prices, I for one, love supporting local businesses that have deep roots in the community that they serve, and that describes this establishment flawlessly.

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June 14, 2013

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The Blue Collar Foodie Eats His Way Through Bean Town

Every once in a blue moon the neurons in my brain fire just right, and I have a good, no, great, no, fantastic idea. This is exactly what happened a few weeks ago when I found out I was going to Boston on a business trip. I began searching the googles for the best foodie finds the city of Boston had to offer, and after about 45 minutes of dredging through one commercial advertising driven site after another, an idea popped into my head, one that was so damn prodigious that a freaking light bulb should have appeared over my head and shined brighter than Lil’ Jon’s grill. This idea I am speaking so highly of was to forgo the internet search that is riddled with paid advertisers and subpar eateries and go to the heart of any great foodie scene, the blogosphere. I aimed to contact the food bloggers of Boston that patrol the city night and day in search of the finest fare that THEIR city slings, and then take the time out to write poetic verses about these establishments so others will not be led astray by the likes of Bing and AOL.

With this thought in mind, I had only one problem, where the hell do I find a list of food bloggers from the Boston Area. I once again fired up my internet browser, but this time I switched my search criteria around and was able to find that UrbanSpoon.com had just the list I was looking for. Armed with the best of Boston Food Blogger List courtesy of UrbanSpoon, I began to contact the bloggers that seemed to match my style of epicurean adventuring. I trusted the foodie community and the food bloggers of Boston would come through for me, and even though I did not know what to expect as far as return e-mails, I ended my research that faithful afternoon. Shortly after sending the first message my inbox was inundated with responses from Boston’s finest foodies. At that moment I knew just how Tim Tebow must have felt after being picked up by the New England Patriots, proud and excited to go to bean town.

Welcome To Boston

The amazing food blogging community of Boston welcomed me with open arms and helped me compile a list of Boston’s Best, Blue Collar Foodie Approved, restaurants and watering holes. Considering I was in Boston for my actual nine to fiver, I was only able to hit up a few of the great suggestions these gracious gourmands had provided but the ones I did visit were absolutely amazing. Due to the tremendous out pour of assistance I received from the helpful blogging community of Boston, I will be doing this from now on, and I suggest you do the same. Not only will you be happy with the results, but I assure you it will make a food blogger smile when they receive your e-mail, so it is a win, win for everyone. Without further ado, buckle up gastronauts and prepare for the Blue Collar Foodie’s voyage to Boston’ belly!

Sweet Cheeks BBQ

The first stop on my gastro tour of Boston was a rather easy choice, as damn near every food blogger I spoke to, agreed this establishment was a must visit, and it was in walking distance of my hotel. This highly touted, often blogged about, and relatively new restaurant is none other than Sweet Cheeks BBQ in the Fenway area of Boston. Now since it was the only BBQ joint I ventured to during my brief visit to Boston, I can’t proclaim that it is the best BBQ in the city, like most Bostonians, but I will say that anyone attempting to compete with this Texas style BBQ spot is in for quite a battle.

Sweet Cheeks Tray

Sweet Cheeks’ offers all of the staples that you would expect a BBQ place to provide, such as Pulled Pork, Ribs, Chicken, and Brisket for the carnivore in you, and hot and cold sides featuring coleslaw, baked beans, mac and cheese, and collard greens. They also throw in some not so standard options for the adventurous foodies like yours truly, including their Berkshire Pork Belly, and Great Northern Short Rib. Furthermore, Sweet Cheeks allows you to create a combination tray of their offerings so you can create a custom metastatic mixture that is sure to please.

Sweet Cheeks BBQ Ribs

What further separates Sweet Cheeks from the BBQ spots that I have visited in the past, is their extensive and impressive craft beer list that adorns the back of their menu. Even though I fancy myself to be somewhat of a novice cicerone, Sweet Cheeks offered more than just a few beers that not only have I never tried, but some that were not even on my radar.

Sweet Cheeks Biscuit With Honey Butter

After eating at Sweet Cheeks I fully understand why the foodie scene in Boston is all about this local eatery. The food was fantastic, and if you find yourself in Boston, you must at least go there for a cold craft beer, an overstuffed meat sandwich, and a biscuit with honey butter. If you do not, unfriend me on Facebook immediately before you return, because I will publically shame you until you cry. Although I highly recommend grabbing a fat cheeks tray and knocking down three of their righteously smoked meats paired with two sides like I did.

Citizen Public House

With happy bellies full to the brim with meaty goodness, my partner in crime and I decided to walk to our next destination, The Citizen Public House and Oyster Bar. According to the locals that I spoke to the food here is really good, but what they are known for is their far-reaching whiskey menu that is a must see for travelers who enjoy a good stiff drink. Since an entire pig was resting nicely in my gut and food was out of the question, I decided to take a gander at their spirit selection, and I was impressed. After perusing the menu for a short period of time, I was overwhelmed by the enormous selection of Bourbons, Scotches, and Whiskeys that decorated the Citizen’s menu, so much so that I had to enlist the assistance of the bartender to aid me in this daunting task.

Hirsch Whiskey

This was a fantastic decision, because the bartender was like a whiskey shaman from the isle of knowledge. After speaking to him for about five minutes not only did I know what Whiskey I wanted to order, I felt as if I could write a Wikipedia article on whiskey and simply use him as the source. The clientele was great as well, and as I sipped my Hirsch Small Batch Bourbon, I conversed about all things sports with a few delightful local Bostonians. Sadly, as my glass ran dry, I had to call it a night, as I had to be responsible in the morning, so I walked back to my hotel in preparation of the morrow, so I could dream of the next Boston food adventure I would embark upon.

The Tip Tap Room

After a long day of work, I was extremely excited to hop on the T near my hotel and make my way to the Government Center stop, where my next eatery would be found. The Tip Tap Room was recommended to me by a few of the food writers that I contacted and described as a place that was known for exotic meats and craft beer. Friends, you had me at exotic meats, TWSS. The moment I arrived at this eccentric eatery, located in the center of the bustling Government Center area of Boston, I knew I was going to enjoy my stay. Their vast tap menu was proudly displayed on the wall and due to the beautiful weather the large front windows were open allowing the pleasant breeze of the fledgling evening to whisk its way throughout the dining area.

Antelope Meatloaf

It took me seconds to realize what I wanted as my meal, Antelope Meatloaf, but as for the beer list that was a horse of a different color. I had some bad luck in the beginning, as I chose two beers that had literally just tapped seconds before the waiter had taken our order. Fortunately though, our server was well versed in the art of beer drinking and selected three small samples of beer that were similar to the ones that I had ordered so I could try them before I made my final selection. This small, yet greatly appreciated service elevated my appreciation for this trendy eatery immeasurably.

Beer

I would highly recommend that everyone hit up the Tip Tap Room while they are traipsing down the Freedom Trail or visiting Faneuil or Quincy Market, which are all very close. The food divine, the service was wonderful, and the location simply can’t be beat. Furthermore, where else can you eat succulent Antelope Meatloaf, while sipping on local craft beer in the city of Boston?

Regina Pizza

Another one of Boston’s restaurants that almost every foodie that wrote me back included on their list of must eats was the original Regina Pizza located in the North End of the city. Being from the land of great pizza, the words best and pizza in the same sentence without being combined with the phrase, “other than in New Jersey,” is like uttering the phrase the Mets stink, without adding the caveat “because of their owners.” With that said, I was not willing to ignore the endorsement of almost a dozen food writers because of my own New Jersey centric, pizza related hubris.

When we arrived, we soon found out that Regina Pizza is not a secret in Boston, as was evident in the fact that there was a line out the door to score a table in this famous pizzeria. While waiting for our table, I researched the menu online and decided that I was going to partake in the most sought after pie Regina’s serves, The Giambotta, which consists of pepperoni, sausage, salami, mushrooms, peppers, onions, anchovies, and Mozzarella cheese.

The Giambotta

Once seated which did not take too long, our order was in and a beer was in my hand in no time, thanks to the speedy service that is provided at Regina’s. Shortly after we ordered, our Regina’s masterpieces were delivered to our table, and I was ready to try what everyone was telling me was Boston’s best pizza. Now as I said, Pizza and Jersey are like Guns and Texas, Hockey and Canadians, or Lies and Politicians, so I know pizza, and Regina makes damn good pizza. Now I am not saying that Jersey pizza is not better in some places that I have been, but if I ever had to move to Boston, I could surely get my Pizza fix within the confines of this North End staple.

Mike’s Pastry

If you read my blog regularly you know that I am infatuated with the cannoli like Courtney Love, well, loves her some crack cocaine. So when multiple foodies tell me that Mike’s Pastry is the place to get a cannoli in what is basically Boston’s Little Italy, I had no other choice but to venture down the street from Regina’s and give one of them a try. This decision was almost as good as the decision I made to marry my loving and supportive wife. Mike’s offers a myriad of cannoli, filled with everything from the traditional cream to specialty cannoli such as peanut butter or pistachio. To add to their appeal they also serve a wide array of other Italian indulgences that would make Kirstie Alley fall off the diet wagon once again.

I chose to treat myself to a Peanut Butter Cannoli topped with powdered sugar. Judging from the looks of this pastry shop and the fact that it was crowded at 9:00 PM on a Wednesday night, I assumed this decadent, overstuffed phenomenon was going to be good, but I was not ready for the shear awesomeness that this shell full of heaven was going to deliver. With reckless abandon for my shirt and pants, I could not stop eating this bliss wrapped in a flakey shell as powdered sugar rained down on my clothes like hell fire. Afterword, I not only looked like Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan after a night at the Roxy, but I was just as happy as them as well.

Bleacher Bar

There was only one thing left to do after treating ourselves to a wonderful evening in the North End of Boston, and that was, return to the Fenway area and drink a cold beer at the coolest bar in town. Once again my fellow foodies came through in the clutch and informed me of a place called Bleacher Bar that is located literally under the bleachers of Fenway. These Uber sports bar not only have a decent selection of draft beers, but they have something that no other bar in town can boast. This sport’s enthusiast’s mecca has an enormous window that overlooks Fenway Park on the field level. Not only do they have the greatest view of any bar in the city, check that, the country, they don’t charge a freaking cover! That is correct, you heard me right, NO COVER.

The Church Of Boston

Considering that I am an Ordained Reverend with the Universal Life Church, when a few of my blogging cohorts suggested that I visit the Church of Boston for a pint and a meal I could not resist. This chic Boston Eatery boasts a gourmet gastro pub menu combined with a notable selection of adult beverages. Adding to the appeal of this epicurean sanctuary, The Church of Boston offers several choices of seating types for their patrons to enjoy, including booths, high top tables, and even couches for a relaxing place to rest your rump while imbibing a cold after work cocktail. Boston’s holy bistro also has a separate room for live music where the area’s top local bands perform their unique hymns seven nights a week starting at 9 P.M.

Church’s Noodle Bowl

Church delivers a truly unique design premise with an accompanying relaxed ambiance that I have not yet to experience in any other bar that I have been to. The stained glass windows that adorn one full wall of the bar are an additional luxury, which enhances the already chic interior of this amazing eatery. To top it all off, their menu had so many delectable choices that it took me quite some time to decide what to have. Furthermore, their drink selection is quite substantial and formidable in its own right. When visiting Church, it would be a sin not to indulge in their specialty cocktails appropriately labeled the Four Horsemen and the Seven Deadly Sins. If beer is what you’re after to pair with your amazing food, I suggest trying the always original and tasty Pretty Little Things Offering, which is basically whatever crazy concoction that four Massachusetts beer obsessed hop heads created that week.

El Pelon

After eating at the Church of Boston, we made our way to one of the last true Baseball Churches left standing, Fenway Park to catch a game and drink some beers. After the game I was a little bit hungry and was in need of a midnight snack. I checked my list of foodie approved eateries in the area and stumbled upon a place called El Pelon Taqueria. Not only was this well-known Taqueria on our way back to the hotel, but honestly, nothing quenches a nighttime craving like a burrito.

El Guapo Burrito

After a quick look at the menu, I decided to go with El Guapo Burrito stuffed with pork, Mexican rice, black beans, fried plantains, Jack cheese, fire roasted Salsa, romaine lettuce and sour cream. Upon ordering this utterly tantalizing Burrito, the very cordial waitress simply uttered I hope you’re hungry. She was not kidding; the Burrito she handed me was so hefty that I could have done curls with it, and its girth would make Ron Jeremy blush. Not only was this burrito gy-freaking-normous it was bursting with such immense flavor that my taste buds decided to do the Mexican hat dance. This was the perfect ending to my culinary globetrot through Boston, and I went to bed that evening not only full but awestruck by the Boston Foodie Scene.

I have to thank all the wonderful foodies that helped steer the Gastro Express that I rode through Boston during the course of this week. Without them, my trip would have been filled with dirty water dogs and hot pockets. If you are ever thinking about going to Boston, I suggest visiting their blogs, liking them on Facebook, or following them on Twitter before you go so you too can get their expert advice on where to go in their magnificent city. The following is a list of their sites so you can find them:

A Boston Food Diary: http://www.abostonfooddiary.com

Pig Trip: http://www.pigtrip.net/

Blog and Tweet Boston: https://twitter.com/BlogAndTweetBos

Peace, Love, and Food: http://peaceloveandfood.com

Foodology (Actually from Vancouver but has visited Boston): http://foodology.ca/

Hidden Boston: http://hiddenboston.com/

The Economical Eater: http://www.theeconomicaleater.com/

Chow Down Bean Town: http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/food/blogs/chowdown/

Just Add Cheese: http://www.justaddcheese.com/