Did you know that the number one New Year’s resolution in America for 2014 was to lose weight? Furthermore, studies say that only 39% of people in their twenties and a mere 14% of people over 50 with accomplish their resolution. If you decided to jump into the deep end of Resolution River without a life jacket, you are not the first and you will certainly not be the last.
In December 2012, my wife and I were sifting through pictures from the past year and saw a picture from a recent wedding where we resembled the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and Miss Piggy attending a cocktail party. To paraphrase Queen Victoria, we were not amused. So our 2013 resolution was to lose weight, and although it was an uphill both ways in the snow without shoes or a jacket kind of arduous task, we succeeded.
In 2013, Kat and I lost a combined 75 pounds before the Holidays gave us about a 10 pound present. I am not telling you this to boast, although I am proud of our accomplishment, I am telling you this to inform you that even if you are a foodie, you can lose weight and keep it off. The secret to our success was not some scientific weight loss drug, newfangled exercise machine, or fad diet, it was good old fashioned vomiting, that is right bulimia is not just for teenage girls anymore! Relax people; the real top-secret weight loss program we established was portion control, exercise, and calorie counting.
Now I could ramble on about how we accomplished this three pronged attack on our floppy bodies but this is a food blog not fatties anonymous, so I will simply say the hardest thing to do while on a diet is to make the correct choices while eating out or at a party. This problem is only compounded for men that are trying to lose weight because there is nothing less masculine than the phrase, “I can’t eat that! Do you know how many calories are in (fill in the delicious food here)?”
With this in mind, I have compiled a list of the top 10 healthy yet still somewhat manly appetizers you can bring, serve, and eat at a Super Bowl party without losing dozens of man points per carrot dipped in broccamole that you force yourself to eat. Note: I don’t care that the word “Bro” is in the word Broccamole, it is the least manly thing you could ever eat, and that includes Activia yogurt that is specifically designed to make women regular. (Click the titles of the food to follow the link to these fantastic recipes.)
Buffalo Wings and Football games go together like Kayne West and Douchebaggery, so a Super Bowl spread without some form of chicken wings would be like A-Rod without steroids. Unfortunately, Chicken wings are about as healthy as a deep fried Twinkie wrapped in bacon, unless you follow this easy low carb, gluten free recipe.
These delicious little cups of yummy pack the same great flavor that your mother’s seven layer dip offered with two outstanding improvements. First off, they have built in portion control so you can keep track of how much of this wonderful stuff you are eating. Secondly, if you have germophobic tendencies, like I do, and the mere thought of a double dipper causes you to cringe worse than Freddie Krueger scratching a chalk board, the individual servings keep your dip safe and sanitary.
I think we can all agree, if you do not like Mac & Cheese you are un-American. I don’t know why Reagan did not just use this as a test to find all the communist spies that infiltrated our country in the seventies. Instead of all the surveillance, interrogating, and torturing, all he needed to do was put a plate of herring and a plate of Mac & Cheese in their hotel rooms and wait to see which one they picked. Since we no longer need Mac & Cheese to protect our country, I suggest you use this recipe to pair America’s favorite food with America’s favorite sport.
As far as appetizers go, pigs in a blanket have weathered the test of time better than Vanna White, which by the way is not easy considering she is 56 and still is in the GSHILF category. I will wait for you to get that one and if you don’t e-mail me and I will explain. These little buggers are perfect for any party and by using reduced fat all beef franks and low reduced calorie crescent rolls they can be quite healthy. Another bonus to these tried and true apps, they are so damn easy to make even Lunch Lady Doris couldn’t screw them up. For a slight change of pace try this recipe, Mini Corndog Muffins.
If you have been dieting longer than a day and are at least slightly smarter than anyone of these celebritarts, you already know that, for the most part, seafood is pretty healthy. As long as it is not bathed in butter or deep fried, when you are out and about, seafood is a pretty safe bet to keep your calorie count lower than the NY Mets payroll. These simple yet tasty crab cakes are not only low in calories but also allow you to keep your mantastic foodie street cred.
This dish is for all the cavemen who read this blog. For those of you who have been living under a rock for the past few years, I am referring to my followers that prescribe to the Paleolithic diet. The basic rule of this diet is if a caveman could not eat it, neither can you. If this is the diet that you chose to hitch your fat ass to, more power to you, here is an app just for you. These pizza bites remove the dough, lessen the cheese, but still allow you to visit the most wonderful place on earth, no not Disney Land you jerk, Pizza Town!
Relax, remove your hand from the mouse, keep reading, I will explain everything. Some of you who have not eaten in a while just got really Hangry, part hungry, part angry, all vicious, with me for even suggesting that you can eat deviled eggs on a diet. I am here to inform you, that you can. Maybe not your grandmother’s 300 calorie lard filled egg o’tasty goodness, but you can have these healthy dressed up deviled eggs without feeling guilty. These recipes all use reduced fat mayonnaise to create a deviled egg that is ready for the big game.
I can hear some of you now. What do you mean healthified spinach dip? Spinach is one of those green things; therefore any dip that has spinach in it must be good for you. If you believe this, I have a sweet bridge in Brooklyn I would love to sell you. Think of all those hipsters you can charge a toll to just to cross your bridge to get to their warehouse parties and scarf shops. This Spinach Dip adds more spinach and uses low-fat sour cream to start down the healthy path and then replaces the calorie rich cream cheese that is normally found in this dish with Greek Yogurt! Mental Note People, Greek Yogurt was sent to earth from the heavens to replace fatty calorie laden ingredients in recipes without sacrificing the creaminess.
If you have not accepted the amazing pickle as your diet savior you are a blasphemer. Excuse me a minute while I testify about the sanctity of the almighty pickle. These salty and garlicky explosions of flavor weigh in at a measly 5 calories a serving and are a great way to curb your appetite in between meals. These oven fried pickles are of course a little heavier on the calories but still pack immense flavor in each tasty morsel and it does not get much manlier than breaded pickles.
A Super Bowl party is just not over until you have stuffed your face with sweet, sweet, fat filled dessert right? What if I told you that you could have your sweets and not completely ruin your diet at the same time? Put me down, crazy person, I am not a witch. I am referring to this Healthy Cookie Dough Dip that uses a surprising ingredient to keep it low in fat and carbs, Chick Peas. I know what you are thinking, “I don’t care if you are not a witch, I want to burn you at the stake anyway for this heresy. Chick Peas are not a dessert you douche!” I dare you to make this and have only one bite! Go ahead, that is a challenge!
There you have it! The top 10 Blue Collar Foodie approved healthy yet manly apps for the Super Bowl. Remember, one bad day will not ruin your health, just like one good day cannot make you healthy, so if you decide to cheat on Super Sunday, make sure you get back on track during Move Your Ass Monday. Save this page to your favorites and when you need to make a dish for a party that won’t make you feel less masculine than buying Maxi-Pads for your wife during the Super Bowl, remember, there is an App (itizer) for that!
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